indigestion

hey people.

birthday

the usual. cut cake, sing song, blow candles, eat cake.
however this year, i had more presents!
i still remember how i lost one of my last year's present at a hawker centre (supposedly).

thanks to bimbo heather for the coin bank + card.
thanks to poet tricia chee for the card + gatsby moving rubber (quite a waste on a poor hairstylist) haha, kidding, it's a great gift.
thanks to artist gracelynn for the painting! (relax about the smudges, it's genuine!)
thanks to hanya for the fruitcake (still enjoying it).

thanks to bluggy jeremy tan for the name tag. (haven't attached it)

and of course, thanks to my heavy cell for the rubberband/towel-wrapped load of candy! Not forgetting the 185-kg gift.

haha! thank you all!

next day, ate Genkhi sushi for lunch (or something like that. sorry nong.)
bought a new pair of white canvas shoes and sandals.

yippee! i've never had white canvas shoes.

hungry?

birthday cake and candy aside, a new type of hungry has been opened to my eyes.

i went for vocal training on sunday, and was taught the usual about stage presence.
then luke said we had to be hungry for God, which was, simple as it sounds, a thing that was not consciously apparent to me.

worship on saturday, was full of happiness in the songs, but as they travelled through my ears, eventually became a stinging message.

i had missed friday night prac due to Battle of the Bands prefect duty.
and i was supposed to sing for saturday night worship, but they covered most of the songs on friday night.

so i missed my first singing chance.
my first chance to serve God in TNG.

and all the songs on Saturday were about giving all to God, and truly always desiring to worship him, which didn't help my guilt for not being up there looking down instead of down here looking at each striked bolded yellow word on the screen.

i was in a dilemna.

was it God's plan that I had missed this chance for the one and only special prefect event?
or did God want me to go for His ministry instead.

i felt quite bad about the whole thing on Sunday, when luke emphasized the importance about being hungry for God.

i realise i'm never truly as hungry for God as I should be.
QT nowadays consist of a simple reading of the bible and/or a prayer.

and i realise i sometimes don't feel like doing QT.

why? why am i not hungry even when i want to be?
why do i not have the holy spirit?
why do i many a time not feel as touched as I should be?
even when i want it.
is there something blocking it?

personalities

have i talked about this before?

i seem to have different personalities in different places.

at home - i'm normal, i do thinking, i do homework.
at school - i'm normally high, and i go bouncing round and talking heck a lot of random stuff.
i act like a small child, like a reuben. i think the highness is to neutralise the
boredom of school.
at church - depends. normally happy and a little talkative.

i normally like my home personality. that's probably the real me anyway.

alright it's 6.20, so i'd better get going.
did i mention i started writing a short story during the mid-year-exam preparations?
i finished it a few weeks ago, i'll post it up soon.
it's a bit weird though.

give me spiritual digestive tablets...or something.