introspection.

i just had a fascinating conversation.

marcus and i talked about a great deal of many things.
God. Life. Art. Me. and my shit.

it was a good, rich, meaningful, thought-provoking discussion.

regarding God, he said maybe I have taken the very foundational grace granted by Him for granted, and I was looking for something too real, expecting too much, instead of appreciating what I had.

regarding art, he said it could've screwed too much with my brain, made me question too much, made me too cynical, too critical.

regarding me and my full-of-shitness, he said that I subtly hint of standards that I seem to believe but which I don't hold myself to. Like how I claim to love people but don't behave so. How I am so willing to be the great USA (quote from art room not from this conversation but something I recall now), accepting of everyone yet not being vulnerable and open enough in reciprocation.

"Sometimes people need to know that if you're willing to hear their souls' lamentations, you have to give a part of yours in exchange. You don't do that."

A very good conversation, something I will continue to chew and roll around in my mind.

thank you marcus. (:

remembrance.

so this is Christmas
and what have you done

~ Happy Christmas (War Is Over) | John Lennon



this year, has been a/an (filled with an adjective I cannot find) one. 

so much has happened, yet so little.

I have learnt, that maybe faith is not so much a firm belief, but more so a continuous hoping.
I have seen, once again, that people are beautiful creatures.
I have awed, at how beautiful storms, and by this I refer to all kinds, can be. 
I have dabbled, in the ways of what it means to love. 
I have tasted, the bittersweet joys and pains of nostalgia.
I have felt, once again, the enigmatic folds and curls and lulls and rushes of time perceived.
I have realised, that simple joys like family and loved ones will always be more than you think is enough.

I have remembered that above all, life is beautiful.

no more words.

when the situation is so dire,
the emotions so heavy,
but there are just no more words.

no more bolognaise please.

army is like the grumpy italian maid who always cooks the crappy bolognaise pasta.

she comes up to you, serves you a big plate of the nasty stuff-

"EAT. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU."

but I can't.
I can't eat the big plate of growing up.

help me find.

this world has limited space for dreamers.

across a new sky.

I look for your face in the morning light,
Warm glow dances on your cheeks and eyes, eyes,
I can't forget, all those times that we spent,
Finding each piece of ourselves,
Couldn't stop our ascent, couldn't stop our ascent,
Across a new sky, making old friends,
Paths lead to places we'll find,
Here's where we begin.
Take everyday, make it something new,
With eyes wide watching everything we do,
And I can't forget, all those nights that we spent,
We moved with our feet never touching the ground,
Couldn't stop our ascent, couldn't stop our ascent.

into place.

there is an air of depression that's hanging overhead.
and for the life of me i can't figure out why.
like a shadow at the corner of my mind that's ever-visible,
but always just out of reach.


might be because life feels stagnant now,
it feels like something is not there now as it used to be before.
somewhere, there's an unrecognizable hole.

but at least some things have fallen nicely into place.