seclusion

you know, i think i don't have any true friends on earth.
and no, this is not an emo post, i'm not emo, i'm a thinker.
just plainly stating a fact of my life, in fact, I don't think anyone has true friends.

What are true friends anyway?
and you'd probably think of all those sweet little spam mails that attach a presentation with cute little doggy and cat pics hugging each other and nice little quotes regarding a 'true friend'.

well, no. i'd guess a true friend (why am i explaining this if there's probably no such thing?) would be someone who fully understands every aspect of your life. every single aspect.
but no one would be able to do that, except Jesus and God. we'll come to that later.

most of my church friends, well, i guess they're mostly playful and bubbly, those type that would like to have a lot of fun together.

school friends, well, i guess i can relate to them better because school is right now a major part of life, which means i'd see them everyday, and they can relate with many current issues.

But lately, I feel like I'm slowly drifting away from them. I believe it's due to my lack on intellect and my relative immaturity.

To prove my point, i'm disrespected by many and looked down upon, normally when i give advice, i'm either laughed at, ridiculed for my "morals", called 'slow', or generalised class-A 'prefect'. and i'm quite sickened by it.

i mean, when you 'bu shuang' with the person, you don't go and blame his affiliations do you? sure, the affiliations he joins would say a lot, and influence him a lot, but ultimately, wouldn't you say it boils down to the person? It's not like prefectiture is the nazis. Even in the nazis, would you say that every german soldier is an ass to the end?

we wouldn't be much better than those in the time of racism, would we?

well, i guess, hmm. i really don't know.
do we actually need true friends in life? (other than Jesus and God that is)

even sometimes, when you stop thinking about sunday school teachings, you wouldn't think that God and Jesus isn't exactly one that you could relate to on the same level, even though you always hear that "Jesus will be your best friend", "God is your best friend". You'd feel that God is on a superior level, and you can't really relate to Him when you're so low. And I know, you might quarrel back, "but He's God! He's omnipotent, and he will always be there for you."

you know what?
i totally agree with that statement.
but let's just say...
there would definetely be something different between a physical, human being as a friend, and God as a friend.

so then, maybe we really don't need true friends.
the phrase in itself is a paradox.

i'm not exactly sad to realise there would never be such a thing as a true friend, but i'm quite sure that many people have better friends than i do. i feel like i'm the rope in a tug of war between two elements of my life. i just feel, kind of depressed.

also very inferior.

meanwhile, i'll get myself lost in the dimensions of time and sound.