post-mission trip.

haven't blogged in a while.
been real busy.
gotta make this one shorter, cos i still have a history graded essay to do.

humans are full with emotions.
and now we all miss chiang mai '07 mission trip.
it was bittersweet.
we had the good times, and the good byes.

i mean even now, we feel the emptiness.

why is it we would want to feel this emptiness (or at least for me in any case)?
grief is not exactly what we would call a positive emotion.

but with emptiness, we remember that we once felt that meaning.

and personally for me, I might want to feel that emptiness.
I would want to remember those times, when I felt, although in a span of 8 days, my life had a void that was filled up. really filled up so fully.

I want to know and not forget.
I would want to know that those times held so much for me, mostly emotionally.

The void seems to already empty itself, and all that's left is the translucent traces of the meaning that was once there.
photos and memories, virtual connections.
memories the dearest.

if you forget those, you feel like you lose touch with that fulfillment in your life.
i think that's why we want to remember.
that's why we grief.
that's why we miss it.
and that's why, we (or I) would want to feel empty.


but of course, i know that my marketplace is here in Singapore as of now.
Slowly, the emptiness would trace away.
but i won't forget.

and in the end, it shouldn't be the emotions anyway.
most importantly, it's the spiritual calling.
don't let your emotions confuse that.


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i sympathise with my brother so much.

he had a harder blow of p.m.d (post mission depression).

i won't go into detail.

but I think God's showing me that because of this blow, he's become very "reactive", and I have to be a lot more sensitive.

like i heard in the mission trip, the affirmation from cheryl.
the affirmation of when God told me to let time pass, and him mature.

only God can do something in His life.
I shouldn't interfere just yet.


O Father, when?