pre-mission trip.

i got sgb (sharity gift box) tomorrow. man. that sucks.

i mean, i sorta wanna go cos i wanna bless the old folks (not really physically, but spiritually).
but it's the last day before i leave for mission trip to chiang mai!

the holidays have zoomed by before i could catch my breath. -.-
school's gonna start again and the whole gloom will descend upon us all.
i need to be more disciplined when school starts.
especially with new temptations-ps3, drumset, bicycle.
i wanna reverse time.

i had a sudden sad feeling. as i was typing this post.
because of mission trip bootcamp, i realised my family couldn't go overseas for a family trip.
and at first, i didn't wanna go because i wanted to go for bootcamp.
but i realise it's been a long time since then, and not only that, i feel like i let my parents' hope of actually going for a family-conding vacation shatter.
i hope my mum wasn't planning that trip too long.
i hope she just had... a hope for it?

WAH! so many sad feelings.
- sgb, pre-mission-trip emptiness, rush.
- vanishing holidays, descent of school gloom.
- let down of mum's/parent's hopes of going for a vacation.

i guess we many a time do forsake our family for our friends. sigh.

recently, i went for the Word of Faith Convention.
Super good, so many things were personally applicable for me.
and, i had an affirmation!

the first night, when i was praying for an affirmation after the sermon and after worship, Aunty Catherine called me out to pray for me and share with me a vision.

I was in a suit, like Pastor Yew-Kwong's, and I was preaching on a stage.

well, although it wasn't clear whether i was a pastor or a missionary (blur? relate to previous posts), it was something! and i was really glad about it.

and i think i got tongues. i think i was anointed with tongues the last night Pastor Wee preached. i'm still not 100% sure, but i know i gotta keep praying in tongues to unfold the blueprint in my life.


Stayed over at cremon's (clemon, clement, whatever.) house recently.
first night, we watched a video on these really anointed and blessed youths (9-12 yrs old) and they were just so spiritually mature!

SUPER spiritually mature lah! i mean, there was an 11 year old boy who preached (yes, like a pastor), and a small girl who spoke in tongues, and when they moved in the spirit, you could really see their sincerity and passion and truth in it all. so so good man!

this really is a key generation. God's gonna do something big and new with this generation. something that would break the ways of tradition, not for the sake of rebellion, but by God's newly unveiled revelations. can you feel it? but of course, we have to make it happen lah.

and all the world will truly see,
that You are God.

a competition of offers.

yep, so my walk's pretty good now.

Bible progress - Currently at Luke. I realised the first few chapters of the new testament are about the same events just phrased differently.

Devotional - Just started on one called "The Holy War". It's pretty good, finished the first 3 chapters. It begins with a story of a war, which is an analogy of how satan attackes the human soul and deceitfully plays with the mind to make it seem like his attacks are harmless, but there's still one good piece of the soul left, the conscience. and then God will try and save you back.

it made me think why we should take God's wonders more than satan's, cos honestly i never thought about it much.

satan offers things that are...
- short-lived
- materialistic
- untrue
- not deep, shallow
- of the flesh

God offers things that are...
- eternal
- emotional, unexplainable
- true, just, righteous
- great depth into the heart and soul
- spiritual

haha, don't think you thought much about all that too right?

the push.

long time no blog. heh, sorry.

y' know what.

i feel like i'm being spiritually pushed.

my spiritual aspect of life has to take a huge leap.
i can't just walk casually by God's side anymore. well, at times i can of course.
but generally, i feel like i have to run by his side.
and my feet are on fire. setting the path on fire as we run.

i can't reveal the main reason why i feel i'm being pushed.
but there are other small things here and there.

primary school - go church, worship, haha, i still remember i was so upset i couldn't cry when I saw a sunday school teacher cry during worship, so i thought of my dog being taken away from me to make myself cry. haha! so stupid right. but no, no personal feeling from God. maybe only during sunday worship when i was p6?

secondary 1 - go church, realised the importance of qt. occasionally did qt. wasn't very hungry for God. felt Him sometimes during worship.

secondary 2 - go church, did qt more often. joined the vocalist ministry. started to know God more personally. Walked with Him more. Was touched more often.

and at the end of sec 2, one line made me feel that i had to really push for it next year.

another thing is the calling.

if you don't know yet, i'm going for the chiang mai mission trip.

yeah, on the last night of tng service at chapel in plmc, i was on roster for vocalists along with dwight led by lizzie. pam, our group leader, couldn't make it.
then as i was singing during the service itself. there was one song we didn't have to sing into the mike, where lizzie solo-ed, called Hungry.

so yeah, during that song, God tugged at my heart thrice to kneel, as He was telling me something.

He gave me a vision, of me travelling out of Singapore, to different countries, reaching out to children and young adults (i don't think i saw old ones). whether it was in worship or spreading the gospel.

and somehow i remember vividly a scene where i was praying with a lot of passion over one youthful lady, who was wearing dark green in the vision, i recall. i think she was crying. i don't know why i remember that scene so well. maybe it might happen?

so the first two times i was scared to kneel on stage.
but by the third tug, i knelt down.

although i didn't receive my vision then, i received it all before i knelt.
i think God wanted me to kneel to as a signal for me to surrender everything I had and could have to Him, a huge sacrifice if you become a missionary. as Clement said, I would have to lay aside the riches of the world.

so is God calling me to be a full-time missionary?
i also felt a calling to go for this mission trip.

maybe He is, but I feel like I need further affirmation.

i mean, then why did He put me in such a high scholarship as IB if His plan is for me to be a missionary? this was the main question that popped in my head.

questions, questions, give me an affirmation.