-

i feel like i've lost something precious.

great plains somewhere.

ambling along an unfamiliar road
not expecting anything
but then
at the corner of somewhere suburban
there is a field

rimmed with pine and coniferous
trees of all sorts
greens and yellows reminiscent of a countryside
like something out of a Lord of the Rings movie
fantasy-fiction, only dressed poorly in a gaudy suit of bungalows.

I walk in
simply because it's there and nowhere else
and there is nothing else.

It is because there was absolutely nothing there
that I found everything. Almost.
Christopher Boone might understand.

a parallel emptiness
it's almost like nature understood
and maybe even laughed over me
like a mother laughs over an unknowing child.

I will come back
and the next time
pretend like nothing else matters.

the desert.

caught in a no-land zone;

where you're too uncomfortable in the current place,

but escaping back to the past is just too...escapist.

yet it's hard to grasp for something in the present.

it feels shallow, to try and recreate the emotions, the moments - they will never come again.

was back in the art room today.

each time i go back to that place, it only feels more distant - like a movie scene where one goes to an old playground and can hear the children's laughter from years ago, ringing in their heads.

if we try too hard to recreate the beautiful hours, reincarnate them by painting there - i think it would taste sour, bitter; the disgusting, dry flavour of tryingtoomuchness.

i guess we should revisit only in nostalgia.

but now life feels like a mere discarded shell of what it was before.

there is no point, no purpose,

no beauty.

everything feels dry and distant.