here I am
meeting everyone
old and familiar
warm and dear
but I've never felt more
alone
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
blankly
We were sitting
in a hangar of some sorts
comfortably and uncomfortably
far away from each other
You asked if we could now go to class together
as if to relive some byegone, high-school days
I stared at you in disbelief
"Are you really so unaware of the gravity of this?"
You stare back blankly.
Then you turned away, looked down, sighed and said,
"I've tried to be as respectful as I could in the end of all this."
There has nothing that has been more inconsiderate of me as a human.
Beth / Rest
Errant heat to the star
And the rain let in
The hawser rolls, the vessel’s whole and Christ, it’s thin
Well Iʼd know that you’d offer
Would reveal it, though it’s soft and flat
Won’t repeat it, cull and coffer’s that
For the soffit, hang this homeward
Pry it open with your love
Sending lost and alone standing offers
It is steep / it is stone
Such recovery
From the daily press, the deepest nest, in keeper’s keep
All the news at the door
Such a revelry
Well, it’s hocked inside of everything you said to me
It was found what we orphaned
Didn’t mention it would serve us picked
Said your love is known
I’m standing up on it
Aren’t we married?
I ainʼt living in the dark no more
It’s not a promise, Iʼm just gonna call it
Heavy mitted love
Our love is a star
Sure some hazardry
For the light before and after most indefinitely
Danger has been stole away
This is axiom
- Bon Iver
- Bon Iver
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Climb out
Out to where you see
The curl of the world
You were the boat that bridged
In the tale of Conrad
We will never be the change
To the weather and the sea and you knew that
You were the boat that bridged
In the tale of Conrad
Oh I loved you with the good
And the careless of me
But it all goes back
The curl of the world
You were the boat that bridged
In the tale of Conrad
We will never be the change
To the weather and the sea and you knew that
In the tale of Conrad
Oh I loved you with the good
And the careless of me
But it all goes back
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
long enough to be sure
And I'll wait here a while
Just long enough to be
Sure that you
Didn't make a wrong turn
Sure that you
Didn't make a wrong turn
And I'll wait long enough
Maybe an hour or two
Before I decide
It wasn't me, it was you
It wasn't me, it was you
It wasn't me, it was you
And I would like you to know
Although it seems sad to say
This was only the worst hour of my day
The worst hour of my day
How long has it been on your mind?
Do you think about it when we laugh?
I think that it's a big mistake
Because I think that we could make it last
Even if it's just for a while
And I'll wait here for now
Just long enough to be
Sure that you
Really want to go through with this
Sure that you
Really want to go through with this
Because I don't really want to go through with this
Do you really want to go through with this?
~ Wrong Turn | Jack Johnson
Monday, August 25, 2014
If I had an orchard,
I'd work till' I'm raw.
If I had an orchard
I'd work till I'm sore
And you would('ve) wait(ed) tables
and soon run the store.
Gold hair in the sunlight,
my light in the dawn;
If I had an orchard, I'd work till I'm sore.
If I had an orchard, I'd work till I'm sore.
Someday I'll be like the man on the screen.
~ Helplessness Blues | Fleet Foxes
If I had an orchard
I'd work till I'm sore
And you would('ve) wait(ed) tables
and soon run the store.
Gold hair in the sunlight,
my light in the dawn;
If I had an orchard, I'd work till I'm sore.
If I had an orchard, I'd work till I'm sore.
Someday I'll be like the man on the screen.
~ Helplessness Blues | Fleet Foxes
Monday, February 17, 2014
giving, loving, death, life, dreams.
Haven't written in a while.
Since Christmas, I've seen a few things.
-One.
That I had taken for granted the aphorism, "It is better to give than to receive."
By actually doing Christmas shopping, and seeing the reactions of my family to the presents I gave them, I unintentionally made this the most powerful Christmas I've had in recollection. There is some truly remarkable joy, to taking time to find something special to give to those you love.
-Two.
That the more we learn to accept death, the more we learn to cherish life.
Just before the New Year, Isaac passed away. I wouldn't kid myself to say I was close to him, but he was definitely more than just an acquaintance. He was the kind of person I didn't have to talk to very much, yet I could still feel like the day was made better when I saw or talked to him. He started a fad amongst his friends, where they nicknamed me, "Golden Boy".
Such a frivolous and retarded thing it seemed to be. But it took his passing to make me think back and realise that even such a small thing made an impact on me - to know that even though it was somewhat in jest, he saw something special about me, molded it to his charming design, and used it to affect encouragement on me. I guess when you unfold even the most unassuming words and unfurl the simplest actions, you can find the most genuine desire to love.
His death sparked in me a desire to read all the cards I had ever got from people, to meet with people I hadn't met with in a while. And in re-remembering that death can come at any time, it helped me realise that the trick was not to live life as fast and as much as possible.
You can't see everything there is to see;
experience every experience there is to experience;
It is impossible. Whether you live to 20 or to 99.
I think that perhaps, many treasures come when you live life slow.
In taking the time to play with the dogs when I come back home.
In lying on the couch to see my thoughts as they float,
like a bunch of feathers from a height,
and watch them slowly
flutter down.
In meeting interesting people one-on-one,
rather than trying to catch up with many at a party.
In eating a meal alone, and looking out onto the garden.
In painting a memory, from a long, long time ago.
In resting, even when you're fully awake, with the one you love.
In writing a blog post, as slowly and intentionally as you want to, just because.
I'm still learning this, because by my nature, I fear being inefficient, and not living life to the best I can, and not doing things to the best I can. But I'm learning, and I'll keep learning.
This is the way I see it-
That the fear of death would have you living life, desperately, to the most that you can. To see all there is to see, to know all there is to know, to feel all there is to feel, and even, to love all the people there are to love. But you never will.
The recognition of death would have you living life.
-Three.
That most dreams are nothing but the indulgent musings of the spoilt and sheltered,
Of the very, very misled.
And I've been very, very misled.
By my own presumptions and flawed judgements.
How foolish I had been-
To crown myself with a declaration of self-awareness,
with a proclaimed boldness
to be daring
to be different
to take the path less travelled.
All around me all I saw was what I chose to see.
I did not see those that used to have the same drive as me-
That they had to smother their pursuits for bread on the table.
That they had to rein in their dreams for the support of loved ones.
And some, who never had the liberty or right to dream in the first place-
Who from young knew nothing but the sun on their cracked lips,
or their backs etched and carved from whips;
their eyes never dry from the remembrance of all that had been lost:
home, family, friends,
dignity, rights.
humanity.
and anything that word stood for
became a mockery, and a tight slap in the face
for what they now have to endure.
And here I am typing on my computer.
Painting in the making.
Drumset in the corner.
A roof over my head.
A family who loves me.
Friends who care.
How does one continue to live their life guiltlessly, in the awareness of such outrageous atrocity.
How to stay convicted to chase your dreams, when so many never had the chance.
How bloody, bloody, spoilt, sheltered, and lucky I am.
I always anchored myself by choosing to see those who seemed to take the safe path in life, and prided myself in believing I had been daring to choose differently, to "do what I love".
How naive an outlook it was.
Singapore and my family have sheltered me extensively.
I'm still half-desiring and half-reluctant to get out of my comfort zone, of my securities.
But it seems to be the only response possible, given my current circumstances.
Dreams are the sparks of our childhood, that I had been led to believe could turn into magnificent flames, if we only kept them from being extinguished. To light our own lives. But in a sick, sick world, there just doesn't seem to be space for such wishful egocentric thinking anymore.
Some have never seen such light in their life, let alone had the chance to keep a flame burning.
If we only brought our flames to these people,
Then maybe we could slowly start to say,
we can dream again.
Since Christmas, I've seen a few things.
-One.
That I had taken for granted the aphorism, "It is better to give than to receive."
By actually doing Christmas shopping, and seeing the reactions of my family to the presents I gave them, I unintentionally made this the most powerful Christmas I've had in recollection. There is some truly remarkable joy, to taking time to find something special to give to those you love.
-Two.
That the more we learn to accept death, the more we learn to cherish life.
Just before the New Year, Isaac passed away. I wouldn't kid myself to say I was close to him, but he was definitely more than just an acquaintance. He was the kind of person I didn't have to talk to very much, yet I could still feel like the day was made better when I saw or talked to him. He started a fad amongst his friends, where they nicknamed me, "Golden Boy".
Such a frivolous and retarded thing it seemed to be. But it took his passing to make me think back and realise that even such a small thing made an impact on me - to know that even though it was somewhat in jest, he saw something special about me, molded it to his charming design, and used it to affect encouragement on me. I guess when you unfold even the most unassuming words and unfurl the simplest actions, you can find the most genuine desire to love.
His death sparked in me a desire to read all the cards I had ever got from people, to meet with people I hadn't met with in a while. And in re-remembering that death can come at any time, it helped me realise that the trick was not to live life as fast and as much as possible.
You can't see everything there is to see;
experience every experience there is to experience;
It is impossible. Whether you live to 20 or to 99.
I think that perhaps, many treasures come when you live life slow.
In taking the time to play with the dogs when I come back home.
In lying on the couch to see my thoughts as they float,
like a bunch of feathers from a height,
and watch them slowly
flutter down.
In meeting interesting people one-on-one,
rather than trying to catch up with many at a party.
In eating a meal alone, and looking out onto the garden.
In painting a memory, from a long, long time ago.
In resting, even when you're fully awake, with the one you love.
In writing a blog post, as slowly and intentionally as you want to, just because.
I'm still learning this, because by my nature, I fear being inefficient, and not living life to the best I can, and not doing things to the best I can. But I'm learning, and I'll keep learning.
This is the way I see it-
That the fear of death would have you living life, desperately, to the most that you can. To see all there is to see, to know all there is to know, to feel all there is to feel, and even, to love all the people there are to love. But you never will.
The recognition of death would have you living life.
-Three.
That most dreams are nothing but the indulgent musings of the spoilt and sheltered,
Of the very, very misled.
And I've been very, very misled.
By my own presumptions and flawed judgements.
How foolish I had been-
To crown myself with a declaration of self-awareness,
with a proclaimed boldness
to be daring
to be different
to take the path less travelled.
All around me all I saw was what I chose to see.
I did not see those that used to have the same drive as me-
That they had to smother their pursuits for bread on the table.
That they had to rein in their dreams for the support of loved ones.
And some, who never had the liberty or right to dream in the first place-
Who from young knew nothing but the sun on their cracked lips,
or their backs etched and carved from whips;
their eyes never dry from the remembrance of all that had been lost:
home, family, friends,
dignity, rights.
humanity.
and anything that word stood for
became a mockery, and a tight slap in the face
for what they now have to endure.
And here I am typing on my computer.
Painting in the making.
Drumset in the corner.
A roof over my head.
A family who loves me.
Friends who care.
How does one continue to live their life guiltlessly, in the awareness of such outrageous atrocity.
How to stay convicted to chase your dreams, when so many never had the chance.
How bloody, bloody, spoilt, sheltered, and lucky I am.
I always anchored myself by choosing to see those who seemed to take the safe path in life, and prided myself in believing I had been daring to choose differently, to "do what I love".
How naive an outlook it was.
Singapore and my family have sheltered me extensively.
I'm still half-desiring and half-reluctant to get out of my comfort zone, of my securities.
But it seems to be the only response possible, given my current circumstances.
Dreams are the sparks of our childhood, that I had been led to believe could turn into magnificent flames, if we only kept them from being extinguished. To light our own lives. But in a sick, sick world, there just doesn't seem to be space for such wishful egocentric thinking anymore.
Some have never seen such light in their life, let alone had the chance to keep a flame burning.
If we only brought our flames to these people,
Then maybe we could slowly start to say,
we can dream again.
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