I don't know what to call this post. really.

sorry, i just need to collect my thoughts.

yeah, last night and this morning i was kinda frustrated.
cos i need to lead cell this Sunday, but i'm put down for worship.
and when i'm down for worship, i can't go cell.

so i only realised that the events clashed like a day after the second person informed me.
(i can't remember whether liz informed me about worship or choy informed me about cell first, they both informed me at start of the week, but i think choy did...not important now.)

and then, well, isn't it amazing how such a hoohaa is churned up just by two events clashing?
it seems so weird that, it could all be avoided if the timings were just a few hours different.

haha, to use an analogy, i think it's like ships.
if you have two ships who collided on sea, then there would normally be mass destruction, loss of lives, broken families.
but to think, if there were at least a few degrees different of turning the ship,
just a few degrees.
all that wouldn't have happened.

of course, in my case, the situation couldn't really be controlled.
i was annoyed, sad, frustrated, cos i wanted to sing, but also wanted to lead cell, though not as strong, but still did.

it was like, personal v.s. responsibility obligation.

i guess i wanted to sing cos it would've been my last time serving on the old roster, before newbies come in. would've been quite cool to sing one last time on the old roster. was also singing with heather, and we haven't sang much together before, cos somehow either of us always can't make it. haha, but we're good friends.

and i wanted to lead cell...cos of responsibility obligation. david couldn't make it, he had to prepare for O's, choy and sara also couldn't. anyway, choy probably told me before liz, so it's only right for me to do cell i guess.

this morning, i tried finding replacements. after asking a few boys (too many girls singing, so we needed boys, since i was out), i realised that 3 had O's, two were singing the next week, and dwight had his painful wisdom tooth. liz then told me that it was ok, i couldn't find a replacement. anyway we couldn't ask the new vocalists.

more complications, talked to heather, talked to choy, talked to liz.

after confirming that I couldn't do BOTH worship and cell,
and that david and sara really couldn't lead,

by 3:05pm friday, i concluded that i'm gonna do cell,
and i'll still be going for worship prac tonight, so it's not all so bad.
and anyway this is the best decision.
cos my want to do worship was probably more personal random want to do worship, rather than spiritual.


so yeah, i get to lead cell,
and at least attend worship in some sorta way(:



if you're still reading this post, you're quite champion.
this post is probably the most boring ever.
i don't think i've ever blogged so much about schedule.

...
have i?

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at worship prac, i realised a few things.

i hate these kind of situations because i'll have to choose one, and not do the other, resulting in the lack in at least one side-the side i don't choose.

although i felt comforted in the afternoon, i felt different at worship prac,
cos i realised by not singing there would be no male in the vocals
(i had seen this earlier, but didn't impact me so much yet).

and i realised i didn't just wanna sing cos of heather,
but because i really just enjoy serving in worship ministry,
and just singing, and having fellowship with my worship team.

but i also realised that, unlike cell, worship still had vocals and lyrics without me.
if i went for worship, there would be no cell at all.

so...yeah.
sigh, bb tmr.
i like bb, but i dunno.
sometimes i don't like certain aspects.




look!
a bear!

ANNOYING.

ok i can't stand it, i need to rant about this thing that i am just urged to rant about.

so what's the point, of forcing you to do a heritage badge project, if they want you to APPRECIATE the heritage of Singapore.
i'm not insulting Singapore's heritage. In fact, Singapore is probably one of the places with such a diverse and rich heritage.

However, do they have to make this project compulsory?
I mean, it's not so bad to write a 500-word essay on it, that's still tolerable, cos' you admit that you'll learn something from that.

but making you take 2 photos of the monument with your face in the pic?
i mean, so what, they want proof that you actually WENT to this monument.
brilliant. and then?
most people, will just go there, take the photo, and go back home.
trust me, i asked.
how in the world does THAT help you appreciate!?
i mean ok lah, if you really are so interested that after photo-taking you go into the monument and snoop around learning to appreciate, then that's ok.
but isn't it obvious that the photo-taking won't PROVE that you've appreciated the monument, not in the least bit?
to those uninterested, d'you really think it'll make a difference?

that's why i really can't stand it when they make these projects compulsory.
you think making these people go smile in front of a building and converting it into pixels for one occasion really suddenly opens their mind to the appreciation of heritage?
No! you can't force these things like that!

i understand you have good intentions, but please, don't make it compulsory.
it just doesn't make good sense.



anyway, i refuse to go take that photo.

adaptation.

do i adapt too much?

i tend to adapt to different people, mostly in the ways of speech.
like i will have different tones of voice, or different ways of speaking. different choices of words.

there's still a general code to how i speak, like without vulgarities, and no like heavy cheem or weird sincere "i lurbhhsxzxz euuzzx worhkszx" kinda language.
(haha, well sometimes i do use the latter for fun)

but do i adapt too much?

until people get different impressions of me, and i create false images of myself that i do not want to create?

what if YOU reading this right now, think i'm something which i'm not.

haha, maybe i'm thinking too much.
this evening i've been hearing/saying (in virtual terms) a lot.



i think i even adapt to my blog.
i might not seem the same in reality.





ohoho.
isn't it intriguing.

dum dee dum.

YEAH HOO.

ONE MORE PAPER TO GO.

i feel weird...

sigh, thank God for the ending of the papers.

hopefully i won't fail any, cos that would result in concamp!

but i heard God say He'll let me go for the P6 camp (which clashes with concamp), so let's have faith in that! (:

i am actually kinda bored now.

whee. ok i go on msn see what i can do.