How many worlds
how many worlds--?
as a boy walks home
listens to music,
unraveling emotions, colours in the mind.
the wind waving whispers in his hair.
the world is all to him.
a man lounges on a void deck bench,
cigarette companion comfortably in hand.
his world is of indifference and addiction.
run children run.
of aimless adrenaline and fearless fun.
their world is of what is and is not to know.
the driver in the car driving across
is a mystery man masked equally by his sun-screened car window.
his/her world of destination, but detached.
woman entering the lift.
with swollen stomach sentry to new life.
her world split and conjoined to another world, yet to be framed.
a boy walks home,
listens to music,
unraveling emotions, colours in the mind.
the wind waving whispers in his hair.
how many worlds--?
the world is all to him.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
so beautiful.
i have a grandaunt, we call her "ji gou".
and we visit her every chinese new year.
not so long ago, sometime in the middle of this year-
on a sunday, our dad asked us not to make plans after church youth service, as ji gou had fallen ill, and was hospitalised.
he wanted us to go visit her as a family.
at the hospital, ji gou had seemed so different.
her hair seemed grey-er, and it was cut short, compared to the relatively vibrant curls we used to see every once a year.
even something about her face had changed-it was paler, and had lost that familiar spark.
her eyes that once squinted with happiness were now open, and sad.
my dad, knowing her the best, talked to her in dialect, asked her questions.
i watched, and flashed an occasional smile, touched her thin elderly hand.
i watched, and saw how my dad was just sitting there, beside her, continously exchanging words of dialect, continuously smiling at her with his bright face.
at one time, my dad intended to ask a nurse if visitors were allowed to bring in food and feed her, and would've done so if my mum hadn't pointed out that she was only allowed to take specific forms of food.
when it was time to go, we said our wishes and byes, my dad comforted her for a while more, and we left.
*************
a few months later-
as i sit on a chair near the casket, an elderly woman enters through the doors.
i only notice her, and recognise her as ji gou, when she arrives at the foot of the casket.
her hair was still cut short, just like in the hospital, and she looked more or less the same.
and as she reached the very side of the casket, she shifts her hands, to support her weight, and, with the support of others, shakily stands up.
her sad, open eyes looked down.
and in the few, brief, seconds she had to see my father's face...she did.
almost collapsing, she sat back into the wheelchair.
and was escorted away.
who would've guessed.
and we visit her every chinese new year.
not so long ago, sometime in the middle of this year-
on a sunday, our dad asked us not to make plans after church youth service, as ji gou had fallen ill, and was hospitalised.
he wanted us to go visit her as a family.
at the hospital, ji gou had seemed so different.
her hair seemed grey-er, and it was cut short, compared to the relatively vibrant curls we used to see every once a year.
even something about her face had changed-it was paler, and had lost that familiar spark.
her eyes that once squinted with happiness were now open, and sad.
my dad, knowing her the best, talked to her in dialect, asked her questions.
i watched, and flashed an occasional smile, touched her thin elderly hand.
i watched, and saw how my dad was just sitting there, beside her, continously exchanging words of dialect, continuously smiling at her with his bright face.
at one time, my dad intended to ask a nurse if visitors were allowed to bring in food and feed her, and would've done so if my mum hadn't pointed out that she was only allowed to take specific forms of food.
when it was time to go, we said our wishes and byes, my dad comforted her for a while more, and we left.
*************
a few months later-
as i sit on a chair near the casket, an elderly woman enters through the doors.
i only notice her, and recognise her as ji gou, when she arrives at the foot of the casket.
her hair was still cut short, just like in the hospital, and she looked more or less the same.
and as she reached the very side of the casket, she shifts her hands, to support her weight, and, with the support of others, shakily stands up.
her sad, open eyes looked down.
and in the few, brief, seconds she had to see my father's face...she did.
almost collapsing, she sat back into the wheelchair.
and was escorted away.
who would've guessed.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
goodnight dad.
on August 31, 2009, Monday, 7:26am, William Goh, my father, passed on.
and it's amazingly relieving to know, that he accepted Christ the night before, not as a last minute i-know-i'm-gonna-die sorta thing, but as an honest sincere decision. why? because he didn't know he was going to die.
my dad had sat down in the middle of the kitchen, his seat on a chair and his legs propped up on another one.
my maid had gone up to tell us. i was the only one who heard and/or was available, so i went down to check.
seeing him on the char in the middle of nowhere, i asked "dad, what happened?"
"it's okay, i'm okay. just need to rest for a while." (the words might not be exact, as i had just woken up.)
"alright." i hugged him. one last time.
i started on my way back upstairs, when he called after me.
"goodnight."
"haha, dad. we just woke up, it's 6am."
his fever had made him ever so slightly delusional.
i went back upstairs, had to dress for teacher's day, as i was supposed to emcee. but eh, it could wait, so i lay down for a while more.
five, ten minutes later, my maid comes rushing upstairs.
"Ma'm, ma'm! Sir collapse!"
the whole family rushed out of their rooms, zooming downstairs into the backyard.
he thought he had garnered enough strength to walk to one of his favourite spots in the house- the steps leading to the backyard. my maid, after supporting him there, left him, but even seated down he couldn't support his back upright.
our family gathered around him. people rushed in and out of the house. called ambulance. called my godma (dad's sis). mum started performing cpr.
"hello? 44 Jalan Kesoma." I said into the phone.
"6282 6491. yes, please come quickly."
"is he breathing?" the man on the other side asked.
"yes." i replied.
my mum exclaimed frantically, "barely!"
"barely!" i said into the phone.
"okay we're on our way now."
"yes, please come quickly." i said.
"okay."
i rushed back to my dad's side. mum was still performing cpr, russ and rach were crying, saying daddy please, daddy please, and crying out dad! dad!!! reuben held his right hand, tears streaming down, and told my distraught mother, "daddy feels very cold, mum."
i sat beside him, on the steps, holding his left hand, and kept praying, kept proclaiming Jesus' name, kept proclaiming that he won't go on that day.
ambulance came, doctors did cpr, loaded him onto the ambulance.
after calling our respective schools to tell them we couldn't go, my godma arrives shortly after on a cab, and then drives us on our parents' car to the hospial.
we wait anxiously for half an hour, while i keep building up faith that he won't die on that day.
and like a movie, the nurse calls his name.
"Goh Lye Guan?"
we follow her to a doctor, he slowly breaks the news to us in an ambiguous manner which becomes unambiguous when the word "death" is heard.
emotions shatter across the people.
i had not absorbed it yet because i was in some sort of denial.
"it can't be, it can't be. God like how You rose up Lazarus, like how You rose up the man's little girl, even if my dad's dead you can raise him up."
a while later, we're led in to see the body.
i touch him.
"daddy, wake up."
my mum's tearful eyes looked into mine and she said "ryan, don't ask dad to wake up, let him go peacefully."
and then i broke down.
and it's already been more than a week.
seems really recent, yet really long ago.
funny to think how his last words were like an accident yet not so. he didn't know he was going, after i left him he told my maid that he was going to the doctor later and told her that he wanted her to iron and ready his pants, etc.
how did he accept Christ?
well my mum felt it in her heart to share with him one more time the night before. so she did, and asked him if he wanted to, and he said ok, twice to confirm. she then prayed with him.
the following morning (his last), he told my mum how the numbness in his fingers had left him, and he proclaimed thanks to Jesus. he told my mum how various pain in parts of his body had left him, and he thanked Jesus, all as my mum recalls, in a child-like voice, one she never heard him speak in before.
well, i'll see you soon dad. thanks for accepting Christ, it's really heart-lifting. the human side of me wished that i could see the new-born you now, but God had called you back for a greater, better purpose.
and so, till I wake up on those golden roads, where the light is bright, and meet you again,
i'll have to say, goodnight, dad.
and it's amazingly relieving to know, that he accepted Christ the night before, not as a last minute i-know-i'm-gonna-die sorta thing, but as an honest sincere decision. why? because he didn't know he was going to die.
my dad had sat down in the middle of the kitchen, his seat on a chair and his legs propped up on another one.
my maid had gone up to tell us. i was the only one who heard and/or was available, so i went down to check.
seeing him on the char in the middle of nowhere, i asked "dad, what happened?"
"it's okay, i'm okay. just need to rest for a while." (the words might not be exact, as i had just woken up.)
"alright." i hugged him. one last time.
i started on my way back upstairs, when he called after me.
"goodnight."
"haha, dad. we just woke up, it's 6am."
his fever had made him ever so slightly delusional.
i went back upstairs, had to dress for teacher's day, as i was supposed to emcee. but eh, it could wait, so i lay down for a while more.
five, ten minutes later, my maid comes rushing upstairs.
"Ma'm, ma'm! Sir collapse!"
the whole family rushed out of their rooms, zooming downstairs into the backyard.
he thought he had garnered enough strength to walk to one of his favourite spots in the house- the steps leading to the backyard. my maid, after supporting him there, left him, but even seated down he couldn't support his back upright.
our family gathered around him. people rushed in and out of the house. called ambulance. called my godma (dad's sis). mum started performing cpr.
"hello? 44 Jalan Kesoma." I said into the phone.
"6282 6491. yes, please come quickly."
"is he breathing?" the man on the other side asked.
"yes." i replied.
my mum exclaimed frantically, "barely!"
"barely!" i said into the phone.
"okay we're on our way now."
"yes, please come quickly." i said.
"okay."
i rushed back to my dad's side. mum was still performing cpr, russ and rach were crying, saying daddy please, daddy please, and crying out dad! dad!!! reuben held his right hand, tears streaming down, and told my distraught mother, "daddy feels very cold, mum."
i sat beside him, on the steps, holding his left hand, and kept praying, kept proclaiming Jesus' name, kept proclaiming that he won't go on that day.
ambulance came, doctors did cpr, loaded him onto the ambulance.
after calling our respective schools to tell them we couldn't go, my godma arrives shortly after on a cab, and then drives us on our parents' car to the hospial.
we wait anxiously for half an hour, while i keep building up faith that he won't die on that day.
and like a movie, the nurse calls his name.
"Goh Lye Guan?"
we follow her to a doctor, he slowly breaks the news to us in an ambiguous manner which becomes unambiguous when the word "death" is heard.
emotions shatter across the people.
i had not absorbed it yet because i was in some sort of denial.
"it can't be, it can't be. God like how You rose up Lazarus, like how You rose up the man's little girl, even if my dad's dead you can raise him up."
a while later, we're led in to see the body.
i touch him.
"daddy, wake up."
my mum's tearful eyes looked into mine and she said "ryan, don't ask dad to wake up, let him go peacefully."
and then i broke down.
and it's already been more than a week.
seems really recent, yet really long ago.
funny to think how his last words were like an accident yet not so. he didn't know he was going, after i left him he told my maid that he was going to the doctor later and told her that he wanted her to iron and ready his pants, etc.
how did he accept Christ?
well my mum felt it in her heart to share with him one more time the night before. so she did, and asked him if he wanted to, and he said ok, twice to confirm. she then prayed with him.
the following morning (his last), he told my mum how the numbness in his fingers had left him, and he proclaimed thanks to Jesus. he told my mum how various pain in parts of his body had left him, and he thanked Jesus, all as my mum recalls, in a child-like voice, one she never heard him speak in before.
well, i'll see you soon dad. thanks for accepting Christ, it's really heart-lifting. the human side of me wished that i could see the new-born you now, but God had called you back for a greater, better purpose.
and so, till I wake up on those golden roads, where the light is bright, and meet you again,
i'll have to say, goodnight, dad.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
sad.
isn't it just sad.
that all this time.
in cell groups.
in TNG.
in sermons.
in mission trips.
the leaders, major experiences, teachings, all these push into you so much.
and after so, so long of all this.
things like that, stupid, stupid things like that, happen, which shouldn't happen.
things that should never have started cos of our foundation in Christ.
Christ's LOVE.
this should not be happening.
this really, really, should not be happening.
that all this time.
in cell groups.
in TNG.
in sermons.
in mission trips.
the leaders, major experiences, teachings, all these push into you so much.
and after so, so long of all this.
things like that, stupid, stupid things like that, happen, which shouldn't happen.
things that should never have started cos of our foundation in Christ.
Christ's LOVE.
this should not be happening.
this really, really, should not be happening.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
sixteen. 16.
HAHAHAHAHAH much amusing stuff has been happening on facebook really.
never been so amused by facebook stuff before. hoohoo. TAY man. T.A.Y.
AND WHY MUST SO MANY THINGS CLASH ON THIS SATURDAY.
- Faith Conference
- Flying Fox @ Sentosa
- Drama FOA
- NDP Preview
GAHHHHHHHH.
was asked to go to all but i think i can only attend one, and possibly not all of that one - the Faith Conference.
gonna receive much there. (:
oh and my 16th birthday was probably the best ever.
here's how it went.
i went school.
school ended.
marcus told me he needed to go my house and collect something from my brother, that evan (marcus' friend from ac barker) gave him.
i told him they couldn't stay long, cos i had tuition.
mok asked if he could too, as he was going east coast (his other house) to collect something, and toj decided to tag along since it'd shorten his trip (back then i had not registered that his house was IN BETWEEN my house and school, so this made no sense).
i reached home.
marcus bolted upstairs to my brother's room.
i walked up the stairs with toj and mok trailing behind.
my room door was closed, and i expected to open it, seeing russ passing marcus some kinda thing.
but when i did there were a dozen people staring at me.
i can't even remember what they exclaimed.
i only recall dropping my file, wallet, and even handphone, that was in my hands. then i could literally feel my heart slow down, and my face drain of blood, and i had to sit down to catch my breath.
haha, i've never really had my own birthday party before, let alone a surprise one.
my mum had cancelled tuition.
people from church and school were there.
it was crazy, haha.
we then went down for pizza and food.
afterwhich we chatted, stoned at the sofas, and then watched heather's and gracelynn's birthday music video.:P
then, the guys caught me and sauced me in the garden, and there was a kind of food fight after that, which resulted in many of us getting wet/dirty.
photos can be seen on facebook. :P
i'll upload a video soon, on the saucing, dunno who has the video on the surprise.
they couldn't stay long, cos then i celebrated dinner with my family.
but thanks guys.
thanks clement, thaddeus, brandon, tricia, joann, heather, gracelynn, hanya, toj, marcus, mok. (:
especially to heather, gracelynn and tricia who organised it.
thanks...a lot. a lot. really. (:
i enjoyed it very much. (:
whoever has the video of the surprise UPLOAD ON FACEBOOK CAN. thanks. (:
muse is an awesome band.
never been so amused by facebook stuff before. hoohoo. TAY man. T.A.Y.
AND WHY MUST SO MANY THINGS CLASH ON THIS SATURDAY.
- Faith Conference
- Flying Fox @ Sentosa
- Drama FOA
- NDP Preview
GAHHHHHHHH.
was asked to go to all but i think i can only attend one, and possibly not all of that one - the Faith Conference.
gonna receive much there. (:
oh and my 16th birthday was probably the best ever.
here's how it went.
i went school.
school ended.
marcus told me he needed to go my house and collect something from my brother, that evan (marcus' friend from ac barker) gave him.
i told him they couldn't stay long, cos i had tuition.
mok asked if he could too, as he was going east coast (his other house) to collect something, and toj decided to tag along since it'd shorten his trip (back then i had not registered that his house was IN BETWEEN my house and school, so this made no sense).
i reached home.
marcus bolted upstairs to my brother's room.
i walked up the stairs with toj and mok trailing behind.
my room door was closed, and i expected to open it, seeing russ passing marcus some kinda thing.
but when i did there were a dozen people staring at me.
i can't even remember what they exclaimed.
i only recall dropping my file, wallet, and even handphone, that was in my hands. then i could literally feel my heart slow down, and my face drain of blood, and i had to sit down to catch my breath.
haha, i've never really had my own birthday party before, let alone a surprise one.
my mum had cancelled tuition.
people from church and school were there.
it was crazy, haha.
we then went down for pizza and food.
afterwhich we chatted, stoned at the sofas, and then watched heather's and gracelynn's birthday music video.:P
then, the guys caught me and sauced me in the garden, and there was a kind of food fight after that, which resulted in many of us getting wet/dirty.
photos can be seen on facebook. :P
i'll upload a video soon, on the saucing, dunno who has the video on the surprise.
they couldn't stay long, cos then i celebrated dinner with my family.
but thanks guys.
thanks clement, thaddeus, brandon, tricia, joann, heather, gracelynn, hanya, toj, marcus, mok. (:
especially to heather, gracelynn and tricia who organised it.
thanks...a lot. a lot. really. (:
i enjoyed it very much. (:
whoever has the video of the surprise UPLOAD ON FACEBOOK CAN. thanks. (:
muse is an awesome band.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
pulp stories II.
my art teacher had asked us to go for an art exhibition by 11 June.
"Pulp Stories II."
At the Singapore Tyler Print Institute (STPI), a bit off clarke quay mrt station.
It was showcasing artwork by James Rosenquist and Frank Stella.
went on thursday, two days before it closed today, because i only remembered we had to go see it after the hols. :P
i don't usually go for art exhibitions...i think this may have been my first one.
haha luckily i found it, it was so hard to find, the entrance was at the corner of a steak restaurant, and the gallery was upstairs so you couldn't tell it was there unless you saw the corner entrance.
i never knew Singapore had this kind of... how say, ulu, little cosy places where you can do little low-profile stuff. the art gallery wasn't very huge, but it was good enough. it was really cool lah, there was barely anyone there, maybe me and 1 or 2 others. haha yeah, pretty ulu art gallery.
but i liked the art pieces.
i think Rosenquist had interesting ways of expressing his themes,
while Stella, mm, I just find his pieces more visually pleasing.
they both like to make use of their space, with rosenquist normally creating quite a open, huge space in his art, while stella crowding his space with many elements.
i think, in the gallery, i liked Stella's swoonarie series the best.
how it just developed from the 1st to the final 5th piece, wow the 5th piece was amazing. at first if you look at it directly it's a bit putting-off, but if you go from piece to piece it's really...awesome. well that's what i think.
anyway, the exhibition exposed me to "prints", something i hadn't even heard of, where they use high technology equipment to make layered, complex artwork. pretty interesting.
also, it helped me revise my definition of art, which was that art is a media used to express the artist's message. now, i see that art can be something as just an experimentation of visual form as well. because as humans, we live on visual information, and art is using that factor of ours, and experimenting, playing around, with it.
maybe i'll visit STPI again sometime.
it's next gallery is about "Eating Excess", so if you're interested you can just go check it out, details at www.stpi.com.sg. (:
till next time, goodbye.
crazy planets.
"Pulp Stories II."
At the Singapore Tyler Print Institute (STPI), a bit off clarke quay mrt station.
It was showcasing artwork by James Rosenquist and Frank Stella.
went on thursday, two days before it closed today, because i only remembered we had to go see it after the hols. :P
i don't usually go for art exhibitions...i think this may have been my first one.
haha luckily i found it, it was so hard to find, the entrance was at the corner of a steak restaurant, and the gallery was upstairs so you couldn't tell it was there unless you saw the corner entrance.
i never knew Singapore had this kind of... how say, ulu, little cosy places where you can do little low-profile stuff. the art gallery wasn't very huge, but it was good enough. it was really cool lah, there was barely anyone there, maybe me and 1 or 2 others. haha yeah, pretty ulu art gallery.
but i liked the art pieces.
i think Rosenquist had interesting ways of expressing his themes,
while Stella, mm, I just find his pieces more visually pleasing.
they both like to make use of their space, with rosenquist normally creating quite a open, huge space in his art, while stella crowding his space with many elements.
i think, in the gallery, i liked Stella's swoonarie series the best.
how it just developed from the 1st to the final 5th piece, wow the 5th piece was amazing. at first if you look at it directly it's a bit putting-off, but if you go from piece to piece it's really...awesome. well that's what i think.
anyway, the exhibition exposed me to "prints", something i hadn't even heard of, where they use high technology equipment to make layered, complex artwork. pretty interesting.
also, it helped me revise my definition of art, which was that art is a media used to express the artist's message. now, i see that art can be something as just an experimentation of visual form as well. because as humans, we live on visual information, and art is using that factor of ours, and experimenting, playing around, with it.
maybe i'll visit STPI again sometime.
it's next gallery is about "Eating Excess", so if you're interested you can just go check it out, details at www.stpi.com.sg. (:
till next time, goodbye.
crazy planets.
Friday, June 26, 2009
michael jackson died?
hello.
i had a dream last night.
it went like this.
The whole church had gathered in a massive, brightly-lit hall, including me.
We were all anticipating something from an invited speaker.
But unexpectedly, as the speaker started speaking, he was very crude, using even the F words sometimes.
Russ came by, and told me something, which showed he was in a bad mood.
Clemon saw, and signalled him to go over to him and talk about it.
I had previously arranged to have supper and a haircut with clemon.
But he was still occupied with russell, so i had supper with my cell.
Jon Choy brought us into this empty air-con room, with one rectangle table and chairs around it, like a zen dining room.
Then he took out styrofoam food packets from his backpack, like, a lot, and he distributed it around the table, and the whole cell merrily ate the ta pao-ed food from unknown sources.
And after our meal, Jon Choy brought out even MORE packets of food. From his backpack.
But I went to find Clemon. He already had finished with russell and had his hair cut. With his new haircut came a new face. And then this girl in a pink blouse with short hair came over and he held her, but strangely like in a romantic way but in the dream it didn't feel romantic, cos he said "EH! our clique must hang out more, look at all our clique photos!". I did not recognise the girl.
Suddenly the scene switched to the walkway behind my house. But in the dream it was an underwater world. Everything was in a tinge of blue. I don't know how i breathed. And there were weird creatures everywhere. My foot, had a water slug thing attached to it. And this underwater salamander, took it as food and bit it. I do not know if the slug was my foot or not, or whether my foot just looked like a slug.
Then i took my other foot and stomped on the salamander that was trying to eat my other foot. And then it was squished and started bleeding, with blood coming out. I heard the Jaws soundtrack, and a sillouhette passed above. As i started trying to run away (my pace was really slow though, must have been cos it was underwater.) This really, really weird freak of nature, grabbed on to me. It was like an African child, and its appendages were a mix between tentacles and arms and legs. It just grabbed and clung there, like not wanting me to move.
Then like in a game a hint appeared and said, "Smash it's head on the ground."
So i did so, and each time i did there was a blood-curdling cracking sound. But it didn't die, it just got dazed, i managed to walk a few paces, and then it grabbed on again. All along with the sillouhette above continously lurking, and the Jaws music occasionally playing. But the thing that was grabbing me was freakier, only at the last part when I cracked it's head on the ground one more time, I walked, (because all this time i hadn't seen its face, it grabbed me from behind, and when I smashed it's head on the ground its face was mostly covered) and when I turned behind, I saw it's face, which was like all black, and its eyes, nostrils, and mouth were a sinister red.
Then I woke up, and was relieved.
I turned to my phone, and read the sms, "OMG MICHAEL JACKSON JUST DIED."
HAHAHAHA.
i couldn't help but think the "freaky child" theme in my dream was so relevant to him. Then again it's really quite amusing to wake up from such a dream and see that message.
baygon.
i had a dream last night.
it went like this.
The whole church had gathered in a massive, brightly-lit hall, including me.
We were all anticipating something from an invited speaker.
But unexpectedly, as the speaker started speaking, he was very crude, using even the F words sometimes.
Russ came by, and told me something, which showed he was in a bad mood.
Clemon saw, and signalled him to go over to him and talk about it.
I had previously arranged to have supper and a haircut with clemon.
But he was still occupied with russell, so i had supper with my cell.
Jon Choy brought us into this empty air-con room, with one rectangle table and chairs around it, like a zen dining room.
Then he took out styrofoam food packets from his backpack, like, a lot, and he distributed it around the table, and the whole cell merrily ate the ta pao-ed food from unknown sources.
And after our meal, Jon Choy brought out even MORE packets of food. From his backpack.
But I went to find Clemon. He already had finished with russell and had his hair cut. With his new haircut came a new face. And then this girl in a pink blouse with short hair came over and he held her, but strangely like in a romantic way but in the dream it didn't feel romantic, cos he said "EH! our clique must hang out more, look at all our clique photos!". I did not recognise the girl.
Suddenly the scene switched to the walkway behind my house. But in the dream it was an underwater world. Everything was in a tinge of blue. I don't know how i breathed. And there were weird creatures everywhere. My foot, had a water slug thing attached to it. And this underwater salamander, took it as food and bit it. I do not know if the slug was my foot or not, or whether my foot just looked like a slug.
Then i took my other foot and stomped on the salamander that was trying to eat my other foot. And then it was squished and started bleeding, with blood coming out. I heard the Jaws soundtrack, and a sillouhette passed above. As i started trying to run away (my pace was really slow though, must have been cos it was underwater.) This really, really weird freak of nature, grabbed on to me. It was like an African child, and its appendages were a mix between tentacles and arms and legs. It just grabbed and clung there, like not wanting me to move.
Then like in a game a hint appeared and said, "Smash it's head on the ground."
So i did so, and each time i did there was a blood-curdling cracking sound. But it didn't die, it just got dazed, i managed to walk a few paces, and then it grabbed on again. All along with the sillouhette above continously lurking, and the Jaws music occasionally playing. But the thing that was grabbing me was freakier, only at the last part when I cracked it's head on the ground one more time, I walked, (because all this time i hadn't seen its face, it grabbed me from behind, and when I smashed it's head on the ground its face was mostly covered) and when I turned behind, I saw it's face, which was like all black, and its eyes, nostrils, and mouth were a sinister red.
Then I woke up, and was relieved.
I turned to my phone, and read the sms, "OMG MICHAEL JACKSON JUST DIED."
HAHAHAHA.
i couldn't help but think the "freaky child" theme in my dream was so relevant to him. Then again it's really quite amusing to wake up from such a dream and see that message.
baygon.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
girl-bias.
an old newness.
white light orbs flash across,
the concave contours of the,
glossy blue chairs like how,
pebbles skip across the water.
empty whispers in the dark rushing by
sometimes, screeching whispers,
not of people, meaningless yet scary to imagine if
it were real?
lean forward and take, breathe it in.
an old newness.
took circle line mrt on 28th, first day of opening of the marymount-bartley section.
pretty cool, new new smell of mrt is nice, the train colour's black some more.
i think for now, this will decrease my transport time between acsi and home by at least 5 mins, so that's about 55 mins now, awesome.
now for some interesting thoughts! :P
i have a theory right, that in most or some boys, there's this sense of girl-bias.
like basically, instinctively, boys will treat girls in a nicer way because they're...well, girls.
like for e.g., you'll normally see a friendster testimonial/facebook wall cliche conversation between a girl-girl, or a guy-girl, but not so often guy-guy.
you see guys going like "hey! how are you? remember me! met you at fusion!" to some girl, but you don't really see them doing that to other guys.
and then both parties will engage in some long wall/testimonial conversation which sounds super friendly-like/superficial. now i'm not saying this is WRONG, neither am i implying that it is at all disgusting to have friendly-like conversations with a girl (as a guy), just saying it could be a case of girl-bias.
excuses and explanations.
and then some guys will say stuff like "oh, cos' girls are so much easier to talk to." now i'll admit there's some truth to this, i mean not to get scientific-ky, but guys' are proven to be more event-oriented and girls, relationship-oriented. but if you are able to talk to that certain girl well, then you're just defeating your stereotype of guys being hard to talk to, unless you think all guys are hard to talk to except you. personally, i've tried before, girls generally do seem to be more receptive than boys. (for those i've talked to).
and there's the boys, who are really just...more effeminate? not that it's bad, it's just like a spectrum, seriously, doesn't have anything to do with gayness or anything, you can be manly and gay. yeah so ok in the case of effeminate boys, then yeah, i think they would click better with girls, but for most cases...i don't think it's the situation.
and just for the record, i personally think it's kinda stupid/sickening if a guy talks superficial stuff just for the sake of interacting with a girl, if it's unnatural and if it doesn't reflect his true personality.
now, i'm not denying that i have any girl-bias. i'm sure as a boy, i have some. but i still interact with boys, and do it the same way as with girls. sure, i adapt and have slight personality shifts in different relationships, but i believe it's individual-oriented, not gender-oriented.
haha, yep, something to think about.
oh this is not a personal attack to anyone, in case you thought it was, it's just a thought.
whooopee whee blast off it's the june holidays.
Monday, May 18, 2009
indie rock.
hohoho, exams over. (:
these exams felt kinda weird. i think as the years progress on, we tend to adapt a slacker attitude towards these regular tests, because they just wear us down.
we as children need more FREEDOM.
it's the essence of youth!
starting to play Assasin's Creed on ps3. pretty cool game.
and yet chinese O's in two weeks. bah.
recently, life's been pretty interesting.
yet...normal.
checking out new bands now, from the indie rock genre.
- Arcade Fire
- The New Pornographers.
yeah, the latter's a little...different. but it's nice nonetheless.
haven't found the albums in Singapore yet though, I want Challengers by The New Porno.
an awesome song.
Wake Up - Arcade Fire
Somethin' filled up my heart with nothin',
Someone told me not to cry.
But now that I'm older, my heart's colder,
And I can see that it's a lie.
Children, wake up, hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causing rain storms
Turning every good thing to rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am going to be when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am goin'.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am goin'.
Better look out below!
beautiful song, do check it out, here's a link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZD7CNRSq28&fmt=18
adios.
circling the edge of the never ending.
these exams felt kinda weird. i think as the years progress on, we tend to adapt a slacker attitude towards these regular tests, because they just wear us down.
we as children need more FREEDOM.
it's the essence of youth!
starting to play Assasin's Creed on ps3. pretty cool game.
and yet chinese O's in two weeks. bah.
recently, life's been pretty interesting.
yet...normal.
checking out new bands now, from the indie rock genre.
- Arcade Fire
- The New Pornographers.
yeah, the latter's a little...different. but it's nice nonetheless.
haven't found the albums in Singapore yet though, I want Challengers by The New Porno.
an awesome song.
Wake Up - Arcade Fire
Somethin' filled up my heart with nothin',
Someone told me not to cry.
But now that I'm older, my heart's colder,
And I can see that it's a lie.
Children, wake up, hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causing rain storms
Turning every good thing to rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am going to be when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am goin'.
With my lightning bolts a-glowin'
I can see where I am goin'.
Better look out below!
beautiful song, do check it out, here's a link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZD7CNRSq28&fmt=18
adios.
circling the edge of the never ending.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
forget.
the wind blows violently
all is still.
flashes and glimpses of light
dance across
your emotionless eyes.
forgetting anything
even though they can capture.
could you?
nay, not a chance.
for you, like your eyes.
forget it all.
the wind blows
and all is still
passing by your mild eyes
like wild lashing thoughts
in your mind.
maybe even forced.
just so you think you might care?
do you?
he's just amazing, doing all this.
are you even trying?
oh wait, maybe
you forgot.
all is still.
flashes and glimpses of light
dance across
your emotionless eyes.
forgetting anything
even though they can capture.
could you?
nay, not a chance.
for you, like your eyes.
forget it all.
the wind blows
and all is still
passing by your mild eyes
like wild lashing thoughts
in your mind.
maybe even forced.
just so you think you might care?
do you?
he's just amazing, doing all this.
are you even trying?
oh wait, maybe
you forgot.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
fusion '09
good stuff, good stuff.
mary gave up her utmost, even for the least of Him.
that's what our passion for God is about.
to worship and give Him all praise.
during worship i saw like, a painting of Jesus hanging on the cross.
and that stuck in my mind for a while.
it was a beautiful piece of art.
and at another point in time, there was this really sweet tangible presence of God i felt, somewhere in the early part of "Rain Down".
but worship really is not about jumping, about raising hands.
yes, we rejoice in the Lord, it's even said in the bible to rejoice!
it's about exalting Him, honouring Him, and just praising Him with all that you got.
it's about surrendering, about accepting, about acknowledging, Him, not just in that 30 mins but in your entire life.
worship is a reflection of life.
recently, i've been more spiritually dry cos' been busy and tired, but i'm recovering now.
haha and wow, the feeling of being spiritually dry is kinda...sian? haha.
it feels good to get back on track and eat the bread again. (:
thank you for the cross, Lord.
mary gave up her utmost, even for the least of Him.
that's what our passion for God is about.
to worship and give Him all praise.
during worship i saw like, a painting of Jesus hanging on the cross.
and that stuck in my mind for a while.
it was a beautiful piece of art.
and at another point in time, there was this really sweet tangible presence of God i felt, somewhere in the early part of "Rain Down".
but worship really is not about jumping, about raising hands.
yes, we rejoice in the Lord, it's even said in the bible to rejoice!
it's about exalting Him, honouring Him, and just praising Him with all that you got.
it's about surrendering, about accepting, about acknowledging, Him, not just in that 30 mins but in your entire life.
worship is a reflection of life.
recently, i've been more spiritually dry cos' been busy and tired, but i'm recovering now.
haha and wow, the feeling of being spiritually dry is kinda...sian? haha.
it feels good to get back on track and eat the bread again. (:
thank you for the cross, Lord.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
my fault? sure.
you try something, and you make a mess.
she asks me to clear it up, cos when she saw it you weren't there anymore.
so i find you at the tv, and after asking you to go clear it up, i got distracted by the tv, and you didn't go anyway.
so she shouts for both of us not switching off electrical appliances, etc, and to once again, clear up the whole freakin' mess.
i tell you to go clear it again, and tell you to help me switch off the stuff that we both left on, better than 2 people going to do a one-man job right?
did i make the mess? no.
did you make it seem like i was obligated to clear it up with you? yes.
was i obligated to clear it up with you? no.
was i not, watching tv, and you still bu shuang me like the mess was my fault? |
did i deserve to take off my time to help you do something, just cos you can't enjoy the tv as well, yet i was not supposed to do it, and you told me to do it, complete with the courtesy of shouting and lack of manners?
and my computer.
did i miss something?
do i owe you anything?
i don't recall so.
so don't you act like it's your right.
why.
why must you do this.
and she goes stereotype me with yall.
and i suffer the shockwaves from you.
which really hurts.
please. stop.
she asks me to clear it up, cos when she saw it you weren't there anymore.
so i find you at the tv, and after asking you to go clear it up, i got distracted by the tv, and you didn't go anyway.
so she shouts for both of us not switching off electrical appliances, etc, and to once again, clear up the whole freakin' mess.
i tell you to go clear it again, and tell you to help me switch off the stuff that we both left on, better than 2 people going to do a one-man job right?
did i make the mess? no.
did you make it seem like i was obligated to clear it up with you? yes.
was i obligated to clear it up with you? no.
was i not, watching tv, and you still bu shuang me like the mess was my fault? |
did i deserve to take off my time to help you do something, just cos you can't enjoy the tv as well, yet i was not supposed to do it, and you told me to do it, complete with the courtesy of shouting and lack of manners?
and my computer.
did i miss something?
do i owe you anything?
i don't recall so.
so don't you act like it's your right.
why.
why must you do this.
and she goes stereotype me with yall.
and i suffer the shockwaves from you.
which really hurts.
please. stop.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
a new chapter...
hi 2009.
last year just zoomed by. probably the fastest year of my life.
and this year is going to be a year of mentorship.
i heard God say that.
it's going to be one where mentorship is a main theme.
looking forward to God in it. (:
i know i don't seem it.
but i do wish there was that common.
last year just zoomed by. probably the fastest year of my life.
and this year is going to be a year of mentorship.
i heard God say that.
it's going to be one where mentorship is a main theme.
looking forward to God in it. (:
i know i don't seem it.
but i do wish there was that common.
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