hemmed in

If I haven't found the fulfillment that is supposed to come with 
following and 
believing and 
investing in this faith,

what can I draw but 
either that I am approaching this the wrong way
that the constructs of man are teaching this the wrong way
or that God doesn't exist the way we think He does.

"Be thou my vision"
You used to be
but I don't know what I see anymore. 

And I don't want to be lukewarm
I don't want to be a Sunday Christian
I want to be all in or all out

But I've been in limbo for way too long.

If I do go all out
then what do I commit my existence to? 

Another faith? Humanism? A simple life?
Definitely not devotion to art right?

I guess therefore I stay 

not so much as a positive conviction that this faith fulfills

but because I have found no other path that appears worthy enough 

to promise something better.

And it's a pathetic place to stay in, 

but there seems to be no other place to go.