i got sgb (sharity gift box) tomorrow. man. that sucks.
i mean, i sorta wanna go cos i wanna bless the old folks (not really physically, but spiritually).
but it's the last day before i leave for mission trip to chiang mai!
the holidays have zoomed by before i could catch my breath. -.-
school's gonna start again and the whole gloom will descend upon us all.
i need to be more disciplined when school starts.
especially with new temptations-ps3, drumset, bicycle.
i wanna reverse time.
i had a sudden sad feeling. as i was typing this post.
because of mission trip bootcamp, i realised my family couldn't go overseas for a family trip.
and at first, i didn't wanna go because i wanted to go for bootcamp.
but i realise it's been a long time since then, and not only that, i feel like i let my parents' hope of actually going for a family-conding vacation shatter.
i hope my mum wasn't planning that trip too long.
i hope she just had... a hope for it?
WAH! so many sad feelings.
- sgb, pre-mission-trip emptiness, rush.
- vanishing holidays, descent of school gloom.
- let down of mum's/parent's hopes of going for a vacation.
i guess we many a time do forsake our family for our friends. sigh.
recently, i went for the Word of Faith Convention.
Super good, so many things were personally applicable for me.
and, i had an affirmation!
the first night, when i was praying for an affirmation after the sermon and after worship, Aunty Catherine called me out to pray for me and share with me a vision.
I was in a suit, like Pastor Yew-Kwong's, and I was preaching on a stage.
well, although it wasn't clear whether i was a pastor or a missionary (blur? relate to previous posts), it was something! and i was really glad about it.
and i think i got tongues. i think i was anointed with tongues the last night Pastor Wee preached. i'm still not 100% sure, but i know i gotta keep praying in tongues to unfold the blueprint in my life.
Stayed over at cremon's (clemon, clement, whatever.) house recently.
first night, we watched a video on these really anointed and blessed youths (9-12 yrs old) and they were just so spiritually mature!
SUPER spiritually mature lah! i mean, there was an 11 year old boy who preached (yes, like a pastor), and a small girl who spoke in tongues, and when they moved in the spirit, you could really see their sincerity and passion and truth in it all. so so good man!
this really is a key generation. God's gonna do something big and new with this generation. something that would break the ways of tradition, not for the sake of rebellion, but by God's newly unveiled revelations. can you feel it? but of course, we have to make it happen lah.
and all the world will truly see,
that You are God.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
a competition of offers.
yep, so my walk's pretty good now.
Bible progress - Currently at Luke. I realised the first few chapters of the new testament are about the same events just phrased differently.
Devotional - Just started on one called "The Holy War". It's pretty good, finished the first 3 chapters. It begins with a story of a war, which is an analogy of how satan attackes the human soul and deceitfully plays with the mind to make it seem like his attacks are harmless, but there's still one good piece of the soul left, the conscience. and then God will try and save you back.
it made me think why we should take God's wonders more than satan's, cos honestly i never thought about it much.
satan offers things that are...
- short-lived
- materialistic
- untrue
- not deep, shallow
- of the flesh
God offers things that are...
- eternal
- emotional, unexplainable
- true, just, righteous
- great depth into the heart and soul
- spiritual
haha, don't think you thought much about all that too right?
the push.
long time no blog. heh, sorry.
y' know what.
i feel like i'm being spiritually pushed.
my spiritual aspect of life has to take a huge leap.
i can't just walk casually by God's side anymore. well, at times i can of course.
but generally, i feel like i have to run by his side.
and my feet are on fire. setting the path on fire as we run.
i can't reveal the main reason why i feel i'm being pushed.
but there are other small things here and there.
primary school - go church, worship, haha, i still remember i was so upset i couldn't cry when I saw a sunday school teacher cry during worship, so i thought of my dog being taken away from me to make myself cry. haha! so stupid right. but no, no personal feeling from God. maybe only during sunday worship when i was p6?
secondary 1 - go church, realised the importance of qt. occasionally did qt. wasn't very hungry for God. felt Him sometimes during worship.
secondary 2 - go church, did qt more often. joined the vocalist ministry. started to know God more personally. Walked with Him more. Was touched more often.
and at the end of sec 2, one line made me feel that i had to really push for it next year.
another thing is the calling.
if you don't know yet, i'm going for the chiang mai mission trip.
yeah, on the last night of tng service at chapel in plmc, i was on roster for vocalists along with dwight led by lizzie. pam, our group leader, couldn't make it.
then as i was singing during the service itself. there was one song we didn't have to sing into the mike, where lizzie solo-ed, called Hungry.
so yeah, during that song, God tugged at my heart thrice to kneel, as He was telling me something.
He gave me a vision, of me travelling out of Singapore, to different countries, reaching out to children and young adults (i don't think i saw old ones). whether it was in worship or spreading the gospel.
and somehow i remember vividly a scene where i was praying with a lot of passion over one youthful lady, who was wearing dark green in the vision, i recall. i think she was crying. i don't know why i remember that scene so well. maybe it might happen?
so the first two times i was scared to kneel on stage.
but by the third tug, i knelt down.
although i didn't receive my vision then, i received it all before i knelt.
i think God wanted me to kneel to as a signal for me to surrender everything I had and could have to Him, a huge sacrifice if you become a missionary. as Clement said, I would have to lay aside the riches of the world.
so is God calling me to be a full-time missionary?
i also felt a calling to go for this mission trip.
maybe He is, but I feel like I need further affirmation.
i mean, then why did He put me in such a high scholarship as IB if His plan is for me to be a missionary? this was the main question that popped in my head.
questions, questions, give me an affirmation.
y' know what.
i feel like i'm being spiritually pushed.
my spiritual aspect of life has to take a huge leap.
i can't just walk casually by God's side anymore. well, at times i can of course.
but generally, i feel like i have to run by his side.
and my feet are on fire. setting the path on fire as we run.
i can't reveal the main reason why i feel i'm being pushed.
but there are other small things here and there.
primary school - go church, worship, haha, i still remember i was so upset i couldn't cry when I saw a sunday school teacher cry during worship, so i thought of my dog being taken away from me to make myself cry. haha! so stupid right. but no, no personal feeling from God. maybe only during sunday worship when i was p6?
secondary 1 - go church, realised the importance of qt. occasionally did qt. wasn't very hungry for God. felt Him sometimes during worship.
secondary 2 - go church, did qt more often. joined the vocalist ministry. started to know God more personally. Walked with Him more. Was touched more often.
and at the end of sec 2, one line made me feel that i had to really push for it next year.
another thing is the calling.
if you don't know yet, i'm going for the chiang mai mission trip.
yeah, on the last night of tng service at chapel in plmc, i was on roster for vocalists along with dwight led by lizzie. pam, our group leader, couldn't make it.
then as i was singing during the service itself. there was one song we didn't have to sing into the mike, where lizzie solo-ed, called Hungry.
so yeah, during that song, God tugged at my heart thrice to kneel, as He was telling me something.
He gave me a vision, of me travelling out of Singapore, to different countries, reaching out to children and young adults (i don't think i saw old ones). whether it was in worship or spreading the gospel.
and somehow i remember vividly a scene where i was praying with a lot of passion over one youthful lady, who was wearing dark green in the vision, i recall. i think she was crying. i don't know why i remember that scene so well. maybe it might happen?
so the first two times i was scared to kneel on stage.
but by the third tug, i knelt down.
although i didn't receive my vision then, i received it all before i knelt.
i think God wanted me to kneel to as a signal for me to surrender everything I had and could have to Him, a huge sacrifice if you become a missionary. as Clement said, I would have to lay aside the riches of the world.
so is God calling me to be a full-time missionary?
i also felt a calling to go for this mission trip.
maybe He is, but I feel like I need further affirmation.
i mean, then why did He put me in such a high scholarship as IB if His plan is for me to be a missionary? this was the main question that popped in my head.
questions, questions, give me an affirmation.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
suffocation.
this is a poem relating to my previous post on freedom.
suffocation
it's spinning round and round.
the pain, the claustrophobia.
in a gurgling whirlpool, drown!
or just plain paranoia?
twisters fill your head,
cos' the mind doesn't know.
if reality's so dead,
when will God's true plan show?
head cats have the say,
and many mice just follow.
old concrete, flat, passe.
and all of men, rot hollow.
twisters fill your head,
cos' your mind can't comprehend.
if all this has been laid,
what is freedom to a man?
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
freedom.
haven't blogged in quite a while, hope y'all liked "kiwi!". (:
what is true freedom?
well, i'd say it's when one is not bound by any shackles, be it literally or figuratively.
one might say or exclaim, "I'm free!" when his or her homework assignments are completed. One would shout 'Freedom!', when the school bell rings, and the tons of restless students pour out of the classrooms.
freedom, might be believed to be all above.
but is this word really taken seriously?
are we all truly free at times like this?
our philosophy could be, "work's done, let's do whatever we want."
but then again, are we actually FREE to do so?
i bring it back to the topic of God's will. (I debated with cleo about this.)
like i said before, if God knows the future, theoretically, we wouldn't be able to choose our actions.
these are the facts laid out.
1. God already KNOWS what we did in the future.
2. There can only be ONE future.
3. God, being perfect, can never be wrong.
Given these three facts, isn't it safe to say that whatever we do, we're already destined by his knowledge, cos if he knows, for e.g., I would have wrote this blog post last year, then I definetely would have, for if I didn't, I would have defied his knowledge and that is just impossible.
UNLESS. given the theory that if God is of another dimension, He's not from this world (although when I was young I used to think that heaven was the gap between the universe and the sky, i don't know why. pretty stupid.), thus if He's not from this world, then the worldly elements, such as time, matter, space, might not be able to be related to Him, and the theory of God's foreknowledge determining our actions would be invalid.
So in short, we're either destined by his knowledge.
or we just can't compare.
also, there's God's law.
the ten commandments, love one another, love God, Spread the gospel (k, that's not really His law, but it was kinda like an order?).
and if i had wings i would fly,
cos' all that i need, You are.
and if the world caved in around me.
to You I'd still hold on.
Cos You're all that I believe.
You're the one that created me.
Jesus, because of You...
I'm Free!
when we say we're free in the Lord, we're talking about his salvation and we're like, delivered from evil. but we're not free, like to do what we want.
Even if you aren't christian, what about normal law?
With politics and advanced civilizations nowadays, law can be sniffed in your own home, your school backyard, every darn place has law!
if true freedom were abound, law would be gone.
of course, i'm not disproving of the law or anything, we can't have serial killers stabbing people on the street and luniac rapists going around terrorizing women, and then the whole world would fall into complete chaos.
i'm just saying, i don't think there's such a thing as true freedom, because of security in the world nowadays, and the will of God.
it's not an entirely bad thing, but i guess it has to be done for the sake of security.
---------
the holidays are real sian.
bloody sian.
crap.
it's so sian.
yesterday's sushi buffet was good though. (:
what is true freedom?
well, i'd say it's when one is not bound by any shackles, be it literally or figuratively.
one might say or exclaim, "I'm free!" when his or her homework assignments are completed. One would shout 'Freedom!', when the school bell rings, and the tons of restless students pour out of the classrooms.
freedom, might be believed to be all above.
but is this word really taken seriously?
are we all truly free at times like this?
our philosophy could be, "work's done, let's do whatever we want."
but then again, are we actually FREE to do so?
i bring it back to the topic of God's will. (I debated with cleo about this.)
like i said before, if God knows the future, theoretically, we wouldn't be able to choose our actions.
these are the facts laid out.
1. God already KNOWS what we did in the future.
2. There can only be ONE future.
3. God, being perfect, can never be wrong.
Given these three facts, isn't it safe to say that whatever we do, we're already destined by his knowledge, cos if he knows, for e.g., I would have wrote this blog post last year, then I definetely would have, for if I didn't, I would have defied his knowledge and that is just impossible.
UNLESS. given the theory that if God is of another dimension, He's not from this world (although when I was young I used to think that heaven was the gap between the universe and the sky, i don't know why. pretty stupid.), thus if He's not from this world, then the worldly elements, such as time, matter, space, might not be able to be related to Him, and the theory of God's foreknowledge determining our actions would be invalid.
So in short, we're either destined by his knowledge.
or we just can't compare.
also, there's God's law.
the ten commandments, love one another, love God, Spread the gospel (k, that's not really His law, but it was kinda like an order?).
and if i had wings i would fly,
cos' all that i need, You are.
and if the world caved in around me.
to You I'd still hold on.
Cos You're all that I believe.
You're the one that created me.
Jesus, because of You...
I'm Free!
when we say we're free in the Lord, we're talking about his salvation and we're like, delivered from evil. but we're not free, like to do what we want.
Even if you aren't christian, what about normal law?
With politics and advanced civilizations nowadays, law can be sniffed in your own home, your school backyard, every darn place has law!
if true freedom were abound, law would be gone.
of course, i'm not disproving of the law or anything, we can't have serial killers stabbing people on the street and luniac rapists going around terrorizing women, and then the whole world would fall into complete chaos.
i'm just saying, i don't think there's such a thing as true freedom, because of security in the world nowadays, and the will of God.
it's not an entirely bad thing, but i guess it has to be done for the sake of security.
---------
the holidays are real sian.
bloody sian.
crap.
it's so sian.
yesterday's sushi buffet was good though. (:
Monday, October 1, 2007
Kiwi!
this short animation is the best. it's so sad.
the more i watch it, the more i cry. it's really good.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
lucky number
lucky number
you ask a question.
they don't answer.
sparks, fascination!
it makes you wonder.
the smoke fills your head.
flames, licking, alive!
the tables deadly laid
and no one knows they thrive.
hearts sinking under the waves.
Lord knows why she's lucky.
her number is her penny that saves
my mind's juices all muddy.
there are things no one could understand,
even if you crawled into their shoes.
why use a pencil, and not a pen?
it's all in the midnight blues.
ok, this poem is also based on specific personal events, so it might seem random and not make any sense to you. also, para 4, sentence 3 does not make sense here cos this is typed. but on my notebook it's in pencil.
you ask a question.
they don't answer.
sparks, fascination!
it makes you wonder.
the smoke fills your head.
flames, licking, alive!
the tables deadly laid
and no one knows they thrive.
hearts sinking under the waves.
Lord knows why she's lucky.
her number is her penny that saves
my mind's juices all muddy.
there are things no one could understand,
even if you crawled into their shoes.
why use a pencil, and not a pen?
it's all in the midnight blues.
ok, this poem is also based on specific personal events, so it might seem random and not make any sense to you. also, para 4, sentence 3 does not make sense here cos this is typed. but on my notebook it's in pencil.
irony
you've probably seen this before. i had to re-enter it for clear-labelling.
In the plane on the way to Michigan, I was REALLY bored, besides playing my nintendo ds, practising my penmanship and scribbling my signatures, chatting to cherums and others, and sleeping, I did this poem.
Irony
i'm on a running boost
yet i'm sitting still
my fingers barely twitching
but i'm on a spree to kill
exploring worlds, a monster comes
DIE! a falling tombstone
was my ticket to the graveyard
whilst i'm still at home; -and then-
my eyes go blind, my mind goes blank
my world has come to end.
my mother pulled the plug
Result? computer games are banned.
it's damn childish, cao did a better one about a guy and a bitch. can't confirm what it's about though, he used one cheem term. that's also illegible, so i can't type it here.
see ya.
In the plane on the way to Michigan, I was REALLY bored, besides playing my nintendo ds, practising my penmanship and scribbling my signatures, chatting to cherums and others, and sleeping, I did this poem.
Irony
i'm on a running boost
yet i'm sitting still
my fingers barely twitching
but i'm on a spree to kill
exploring worlds, a monster comes
DIE! a falling tombstone
was my ticket to the graveyard
whilst i'm still at home; -and then-
my eyes go blind, my mind goes blank
my world has come to end.
my mother pulled the plug
Result? computer games are banned.
it's damn childish, cao did a better one about a guy and a bitch. can't confirm what it's about though, he used one cheem term. that's also illegible, so i can't type it here.
see ya.
stageplay
i had to retype this poem, because while editting posts it got deleted.
stageplay
the hall is empty.
a new light shines.
smoky figures
appear in lines.
the hall has faces.
the man smiles there.
she looks away as
she rusts on the stair.
my violin turns to sawdust.
fourth, third, champion.
the chairs layer grey specks.
this odyssey hits extinction.
He draws the curtain open.
and the stage is finally seen.
it's time to step up there.
it's time to step out there.
yeah, some of my poems won't be easy to understand, cos' they're personal. for this poem, para 2 and 3 is personal.
anyway, it's basically about my life so far and the future.
stageplay
the hall is empty.
a new light shines.
smoky figures
appear in lines.
the hall has faces.
the man smiles there.
she looks away as
she rusts on the stair.
my violin turns to sawdust.
fourth, third, champion.
the chairs layer grey specks.
this odyssey hits extinction.
He draws the curtain open.
and the stage is finally seen.
it's time to step up there.
it's time to step out there.
yeah, some of my poems won't be easy to understand, cos' they're personal. for this poem, para 2 and 3 is personal.
anyway, it's basically about my life so far and the future.
present.
wow.
in the last half hour, i was briefly going through all my posts and labelling them, and i realised i could really be quite childish last time! not saying that i'm very mature now.
also, a few things i mentioned in the past contradict what i think now.
"halloz"
"dunt mindd dhe typooes"
haha, all these stupid phrases.
you know, i think it's been a year. and it's still there.
and i don't know why it's gone, but it just won't budge.
but at least i'm quite sure, it's gradually wearing off.
so yeah, thank God for that.
exams are coming!
dang, i haven't started intensive mugging.
seriously, what's wrong with me.
shouldn't it be an instinct to mugg when the exams are two weeks away?
but also, i feel some people are just too enthusiastic.
they get so caught up with ensuring their future, they forget what potential's in the present.
and the present cannot even be defined by time, it's an infinitely small flick, not a second.
like when i think about it, i'm pretty sure many of the stuff i'm learning now would not play an important role in the future.
there's gonna be a bomb of poems uploaded,
cos i won't be updating for a while.
so take time to enjoy.
or ridicule, whatever.
in the last half hour, i was briefly going through all my posts and labelling them, and i realised i could really be quite childish last time! not saying that i'm very mature now.
also, a few things i mentioned in the past contradict what i think now.
"halloz"
"dunt mindd dhe typooes"
haha, all these stupid phrases.
you know, i think it's been a year. and it's still there.
and i don't know why it's gone, but it just won't budge.
but at least i'm quite sure, it's gradually wearing off.
so yeah, thank God for that.
exams are coming!
dang, i haven't started intensive mugging.
seriously, what's wrong with me.
shouldn't it be an instinct to mugg when the exams are two weeks away?
but also, i feel some people are just too enthusiastic.
they get so caught up with ensuring their future, they forget what potential's in the present.
and the present cannot even be defined by time, it's an infinitely small flick, not a second.
like when i think about it, i'm pretty sure many of the stuff i'm learning now would not play an important role in the future.
there's gonna be a bomb of poems uploaded,
cos i won't be updating for a while.
so take time to enjoy.
or ridicule, whatever.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
seclusion
you know, i think i don't have any true friends on earth.
and no, this is not an emo post, i'm not emo, i'm a thinker.
just plainly stating a fact of my life, in fact, I don't think anyone has true friends.
What are true friends anyway?
and you'd probably think of all those sweet little spam mails that attach a presentation with cute little doggy and cat pics hugging each other and nice little quotes regarding a 'true friend'.
well, no. i'd guess a true friend (why am i explaining this if there's probably no such thing?) would be someone who fully understands every aspect of your life. every single aspect.
but no one would be able to do that, except Jesus and God. we'll come to that later.
most of my church friends, well, i guess they're mostly playful and bubbly, those type that would like to have a lot of fun together.
school friends, well, i guess i can relate to them better because school is right now a major part of life, which means i'd see them everyday, and they can relate with many current issues.
But lately, I feel like I'm slowly drifting away from them. I believe it's due to my lack on intellect and my relative immaturity.
and no, this is not an emo post, i'm not emo, i'm a thinker.
just plainly stating a fact of my life, in fact, I don't think anyone has true friends.
What are true friends anyway?
and you'd probably think of all those sweet little spam mails that attach a presentation with cute little doggy and cat pics hugging each other and nice little quotes regarding a 'true friend'.
well, no. i'd guess a true friend (why am i explaining this if there's probably no such thing?) would be someone who fully understands every aspect of your life. every single aspect.
but no one would be able to do that, except Jesus and God. we'll come to that later.
most of my church friends, well, i guess they're mostly playful and bubbly, those type that would like to have a lot of fun together.
school friends, well, i guess i can relate to them better because school is right now a major part of life, which means i'd see them everyday, and they can relate with many current issues.
But lately, I feel like I'm slowly drifting away from them. I believe it's due to my lack on intellect and my relative immaturity.
To prove my point, i'm disrespected by many and looked down upon, normally when i give advice, i'm either laughed at, ridiculed for my "morals", called 'slow', or generalised class-A 'prefect'. and i'm quite sickened by it.
i mean, when you 'bu shuang' with the person, you don't go and blame his affiliations do you? sure, the affiliations he joins would say a lot, and influence him a lot, but ultimately, wouldn't you say it boils down to the person? It's not like prefectiture is the nazis. Even in the nazis, would you say that every german soldier is an ass to the end?
we wouldn't be much better than those in the time of racism, would we?
well, i guess, hmm. i really don't know.
do we actually need true friends in life? (other than Jesus and God that is)
even sometimes, when you stop thinking about sunday school teachings, you wouldn't think that God and Jesus isn't exactly one that you could relate to on the same level, even though you always hear that "Jesus will be your best friend", "God is your best friend". You'd feel that God is on a superior level, and you can't really relate to Him when you're so low. And I know, you might quarrel back, "but He's God! He's omnipotent, and he will always be there for you."
you know what?
i totally agree with that statement.
but let's just say...
there would definetely be something different between a physical, human being as a friend, and God as a friend.
so then, maybe we really don't need true friends.
the phrase in itself is a paradox.
i'm not exactly sad to realise there would never be such a thing as a true friend, but i'm quite sure that many people have better friends than i do. i feel like i'm the rope in a tug of war between two elements of my life. i just feel, kind of depressed.
also very inferior.
meanwhile, i'll get myself lost in the dimensions of time and sound.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
life is like a boat
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
Far away, I'm breathing, as if I were transparent
It would seem I was in the dark, but I was only blindfolded
I give a prayer as I wait for the new day
Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong
People's hearts change and sneak away from them
The moon in its new cycle leads the boats again
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
And still the journey continues on quiet days as well
The moon in its new cycle shines on the boats again
I give a prayer as I wait for the new day
Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
We are rowing the boat of fate, but the waves keep attacking us
But isn't that still a wonderful journey? Aren't any of them a wonderful journey?
------------------------------------------------
a song that was used for one of the Anime Bleach's endings.
I think no. 3.
it's called 'life is like a boat' (if you haven't realised).
despite it's straight-forwardness, I still find it very deep and meaningful, almost applicable to my life in some sort of weird way.
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
Far away, I'm breathing, as if I were transparent
It would seem I was in the dark, but I was only blindfolded
I give a prayer as I wait for the new day
Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong
People's hearts change and sneak away from them
The moon in its new cycle leads the boats again
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
And still the journey continues on quiet days as well
The moon in its new cycle shines on the boats again
I give a prayer as I wait for the new day
Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
We are rowing the boat of fate, but the waves keep attacking us
But isn't that still a wonderful journey? Aren't any of them a wonderful journey?
------------------------------------------------
a song that was used for one of the Anime Bleach's endings.
I think no. 3.
it's called 'life is like a boat' (if you haven't realised).
despite it's straight-forwardness, I still find it very deep and meaningful, almost applicable to my life in some sort of weird way.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
a paper crane
i think i overdid this story with too much drama and expressive words, so it might seem a little/lot weird.
hope you enjoy it though! (:
I breathed. This was the third card. This was the Ace of Spades. The gears in my mind back winded, and it seemed as if the universe was sucking in on me. The chances were 33%, why must it be now? The stars were falling and no one else was affected by this sudden central apocalypse.
And then my mind broke its shackles. The suction of the universe slowed to a stop, and reversed its play, shooting out of central. I had a rush of energy, and I felt like I was energized by all the darkness that had willed me to summon it. My hands could crush the universe to powder. I was a god. Nothing could stop me.
I swung the bag off my face. Humiliation could not reach a god. Humiliation would not care to a god. I grabbed the nearest officer, only to find my face smashing into the dirt. I could not care. I flailed and kicked, and the shouts were nothing but mere babies’ noise to me.
No, I won't let this happen.
I hit the dirt again. Only this time, it was grainy, rougher dirt. I looked up for a split second, and then was shoved in the back, an action that only pushed me forward. Blood trickled down the right side of my face, as the vision of the waves grew closer. They were so calm. So calm, yet so deadly.
I looked to my right, and there he was. I smiled; the calm after the storm. He could not smile back, but in my worst of hope, turned away. I knew that in the mixture of sweat, blood and dirt, there were tears. Tears not of regret, not of sorrow, but of disappointment.
We stopped, and the soft subtle crash of the waves calmed me. I had nothing to be afraid of.
Faraway, the Japanese were unloading some heavy chunks of unidentified metal from the truck, and placing them in a linear pattern about 50 metres off. I had already known what they were. Men began to crouch behind the hunks of metal, and the last few hunks were assembling.
“What’s that you’ve got in your hands?” The Ace of Spades turned to me and questioned in spite.
“Not much that would concern you,” I said, and opened my cupped hands, revealing the photo and paper crane inside.
And I saw him start to cry again. I looked at him with love, and he looked back at me with crystal eyes. This would be the last time I saw this Ace. This crystal. My one and only son.
And then, one by one they began to fall. The dominos ladder came up till it hit him. I only heard his cries, my eyes being closed in preparation. But there was no impact. I opened them two seconds later, first I saw the blood of my son staining the ocean, and then I looked up to see the black chunk being filled with pellets.
I cupped my two hands and drew them up to my heart. I closed my eyes once again, but that couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I felt nothing, but fell to the ground.
Not now… don’t miss me now. Out of all the times I had to survive, why now? Out of the corner of my eyes, I checked my condition. My elbow had been smeared by a bullet. I looked straight. And saw his eyes for the fourth time. They were open and blank.
But in it flashed a twinge of happiness. Which was all that mattered to me anymore.
As a shadow fell over me, my face lifted to meet the enemy. He pointed his gun to me, tipped with an intimidating metal, but just another harmless helper.
“You can make me serve you. You can make me your prisoner.”
I grabbed his gun.
“But you can never take away my heart. I am free.”
I drove it deep into my darkness.
My head fell. There was no pain. The paper crane was freckled crimson, and was slowly drifted off by the waves. Drifting, drifting…like the light of my mind, until nothing existed.
I am free.
hope you enjoy it though! (:
a paper crane
Part 1
They had come. My heart froze for a second.
And then I caught up with reality.
I quickly grabbed the photo, and a neatly-crafted piece of origami from the table. Other than those two items and the element of time, everything in this old shack would have no more value to me. They were approaching nearer with every heart-quaking second. I had to hide.
In my best effort to secure myself, I lay there, motionless. The sweat didn’t help. I looked at the two items in my hands. The paper model of the crane looked as beautiful as ever, and I tried my best not to spoil it with the sweat beads in my hands. The crack of broken wood rang in my ears, more traumatising than when I first heard the soft pounding of bomb shells a few months ago. The sounds of hurried footsteps and tongues speaking in Japanese were presented. The Grim Reaper’s greeting. The sound of metal clunked as they presumably, took all my stores of food away.
My location was not to be spared. The unlocked door was slammed open, followed by half a dozen of legs clad in a yellowish khaki material. Wardrobes fell onto the floor, each deafening crash making ripples in my heart.
And as the mattress was lifted off the finely-carved wooden structure, light spilled onto me. And I was exposed. As I closed my eyes, my heart froze in time, and all sound faded. I ignored the chances and odds, held the simple reed cross that was tied to my neck, and prayed like never before.
My eyes opened, and the light was gone. My shock overpowered my happiness. Had he not realised? My hope grew, only to be smothered again when the above mattress was once again lifted up, this time not in their hope to find goods. But me.
The man clad in a different uniform slyly grinned down at me. He did not have flaps hanging next to his ears, and he had on a different headgear. His smile then faded, and he shouted something at a nearby soldier. I identified him as the one who had first lifted up the mattress. He then turned to face me, and shouted something I could in my best efforts, not identify by knowledge, but by inference. I slowly crawled out, and bowed in insincere respect. The seemingly superior officer pulled me up by my hair, and more instructions were barked. Shortly after, I found myself as an oddity in a group of Japanese soldiers. My hands were tightly tied behind my back with rope. I was brought onto a truck with them, and was roughly tossed onto the ground like an inanimate object. I had not the slightest clue what they were going to do to me. But as the engine of the vehicle sinisterly chuckled, my depression lightened as I remembered the photo and paper crane I had hastily stuffed, but with great care, into my pocket before I was found.
At least I had those.
The truck stopped, and I was brought out, into an atmosphere of sheer dullness. The concrete-based compound was bordered with similar trucks, and lines of Chinese men were slowly filing out. Out of the blue, a flour bag was tossed on top of me, completely covering my head and neck, resting limply on my shoulders. Holes were present for me to see and breathe though. I could not understand why I was to be alone, and not along with the countless files of other Chinese men.
I had not known then.
I had not known then of their purposes.
I had not known then of my use to them. I had not known then that that bag around my head was my protection from humiliation.
I had not known then that that bad around my head was the fuel of my disgrace.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then I caught up with reality.
I quickly grabbed the photo, and a neatly-crafted piece of origami from the table. Other than those two items and the element of time, everything in this old shack would have no more value to me. They were approaching nearer with every heart-quaking second. I had to hide.
In my best effort to secure myself, I lay there, motionless. The sweat didn’t help. I looked at the two items in my hands. The paper model of the crane looked as beautiful as ever, and I tried my best not to spoil it with the sweat beads in my hands. The crack of broken wood rang in my ears, more traumatising than when I first heard the soft pounding of bomb shells a few months ago. The sounds of hurried footsteps and tongues speaking in Japanese were presented. The Grim Reaper’s greeting. The sound of metal clunked as they presumably, took all my stores of food away.
My location was not to be spared. The unlocked door was slammed open, followed by half a dozen of legs clad in a yellowish khaki material. Wardrobes fell onto the floor, each deafening crash making ripples in my heart.
And as the mattress was lifted off the finely-carved wooden structure, light spilled onto me. And I was exposed. As I closed my eyes, my heart froze in time, and all sound faded. I ignored the chances and odds, held the simple reed cross that was tied to my neck, and prayed like never before.
My eyes opened, and the light was gone. My shock overpowered my happiness. Had he not realised? My hope grew, only to be smothered again when the above mattress was once again lifted up, this time not in their hope to find goods. But me.
The man clad in a different uniform slyly grinned down at me. He did not have flaps hanging next to his ears, and he had on a different headgear. His smile then faded, and he shouted something at a nearby soldier. I identified him as the one who had first lifted up the mattress. He then turned to face me, and shouted something I could in my best efforts, not identify by knowledge, but by inference. I slowly crawled out, and bowed in insincere respect. The seemingly superior officer pulled me up by my hair, and more instructions were barked. Shortly after, I found myself as an oddity in a group of Japanese soldiers. My hands were tightly tied behind my back with rope. I was brought onto a truck with them, and was roughly tossed onto the ground like an inanimate object. I had not the slightest clue what they were going to do to me. But as the engine of the vehicle sinisterly chuckled, my depression lightened as I remembered the photo and paper crane I had hastily stuffed, but with great care, into my pocket before I was found.
At least I had those.
The truck stopped, and I was brought out, into an atmosphere of sheer dullness. The concrete-based compound was bordered with similar trucks, and lines of Chinese men were slowly filing out. Out of the blue, a flour bag was tossed on top of me, completely covering my head and neck, resting limply on my shoulders. Holes were present for me to see and breathe though. I could not understand why I was to be alone, and not along with the countless files of other Chinese men.
I had not known then.
I had not known then of their purposes.
I had not known then of my use to them. I had not known then that that bag around my head was my protection from humiliation.
I had not known then that that bad around my head was the fuel of my disgrace.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2
I was still there. The bag was never taken off my head. Only when I took that ever-seldom bath, and when I caught that precious pinch of rest every night. It had been three months, and it had felt like my lifetime’s worth. I was never knowing what to feel. Only knowing what to do.
And that morning would have been no different.
I woke up at 5.35am.
No bath, no change of clothes that day. There were no extra clothes anyway. The only attire that was ever shifted on and off my body was a brown flour bag, that had gotten mouldy and more grim-looking with the rain’s encouragement.
They were not on patrol yet. Feathers on my feet, I crept to the wood plank at the corner of the room. I lifted it, my stomach flipping. And I took out the treasures of my life. He was so young then. I wondered where he was now. How did he look like? I tried to imagine.
And the only thing he left with me has not been easy to keep in best condition. The crane was crumpled and creased, over its months of sweat and hopeless repair. It’s head could be barely seen; at least what was left of it. What used to be a faint pink crisp material had become soft, and well-rubbed with dirt.
Footsteps and shouting. My heart took a freefall. The corridor lights flickered on after I threw the board back down. A figure of fear stepped in and curtly shouted a phrase of Japanese. Hearing it every morning, I inferred that it meant, “Get into gear, and get down to your job.”
A depressing odour filled my head as my world’s lights were limited to two small holes. Routine took place. I heaved down the grey sullen steps, with the commander pushing me with no hint of compassion from behind.
Soon enough, the lines of men appeared over the pale blue horizon, giving my heart the same regretful feeling. They halted in unison, as if there was a barrier that the limit of my current sight could not see. One by one, they were pushed in front of me. Each face, each man, had been conditioned in my eyes as one and the same.
They’re all a deck of cards. The first and second cards drawn are bad. The third would be the one shot down. My sense of justice was The-Third-Apple-Was-Always-Unripe. I had not any sense of righteousness in my mind. I used to break down at the thought of what happened to those I chose at random. Now, it didn’t matter anymore.
Not until time froze, and noise shivered away. The Ace of Spades flicked in front of me. The picture’s background grew increasingly blur, was this really him? I looked at his right ear. My pupils narrowed. That scar was unmistakable. His nose and mouth were streaked with dry crimson, and his forehead was dust grey. His eyes were steady, brave. “Torment” was not in his vocabulary, as he stared into my unknown eyes. Because if he knew, those narrow suspenseful eyes would broaden. And I would see the life I once knew in him.
Part 3I was still there. The bag was never taken off my head. Only when I took that ever-seldom bath, and when I caught that precious pinch of rest every night. It had been three months, and it had felt like my lifetime’s worth. I was never knowing what to feel. Only knowing what to do.
And that morning would have been no different.
I woke up at 5.35am.
No bath, no change of clothes that day. There were no extra clothes anyway. The only attire that was ever shifted on and off my body was a brown flour bag, that had gotten mouldy and more grim-looking with the rain’s encouragement.
They were not on patrol yet. Feathers on my feet, I crept to the wood plank at the corner of the room. I lifted it, my stomach flipping. And I took out the treasures of my life. He was so young then. I wondered where he was now. How did he look like? I tried to imagine.
And the only thing he left with me has not been easy to keep in best condition. The crane was crumpled and creased, over its months of sweat and hopeless repair. It’s head could be barely seen; at least what was left of it. What used to be a faint pink crisp material had become soft, and well-rubbed with dirt.
Footsteps and shouting. My heart took a freefall. The corridor lights flickered on after I threw the board back down. A figure of fear stepped in and curtly shouted a phrase of Japanese. Hearing it every morning, I inferred that it meant, “Get into gear, and get down to your job.”
A depressing odour filled my head as my world’s lights were limited to two small holes. Routine took place. I heaved down the grey sullen steps, with the commander pushing me with no hint of compassion from behind.
Soon enough, the lines of men appeared over the pale blue horizon, giving my heart the same regretful feeling. They halted in unison, as if there was a barrier that the limit of my current sight could not see. One by one, they were pushed in front of me. Each face, each man, had been conditioned in my eyes as one and the same.
They’re all a deck of cards. The first and second cards drawn are bad. The third would be the one shot down. My sense of justice was The-Third-Apple-Was-Always-Unripe. I had not any sense of righteousness in my mind. I used to break down at the thought of what happened to those I chose at random. Now, it didn’t matter anymore.
Not until time froze, and noise shivered away. The Ace of Spades flicked in front of me. The picture’s background grew increasingly blur, was this really him? I looked at his right ear. My pupils narrowed. That scar was unmistakable. His nose and mouth were streaked with dry crimson, and his forehead was dust grey. His eyes were steady, brave. “Torment” was not in his vocabulary, as he stared into my unknown eyes. Because if he knew, those narrow suspenseful eyes would broaden. And I would see the life I once knew in him.
I breathed. This was the third card. This was the Ace of Spades. The gears in my mind back winded, and it seemed as if the universe was sucking in on me. The chances were 33%, why must it be now? The stars were falling and no one else was affected by this sudden central apocalypse.
And then my mind broke its shackles. The suction of the universe slowed to a stop, and reversed its play, shooting out of central. I had a rush of energy, and I felt like I was energized by all the darkness that had willed me to summon it. My hands could crush the universe to powder. I was a god. Nothing could stop me.
I swung the bag off my face. Humiliation could not reach a god. Humiliation would not care to a god. I grabbed the nearest officer, only to find my face smashing into the dirt. I could not care. I flailed and kicked, and the shouts were nothing but mere babies’ noise to me.
No, I won't let this happen.
I hit the dirt again. Only this time, it was grainy, rougher dirt. I looked up for a split second, and then was shoved in the back, an action that only pushed me forward. Blood trickled down the right side of my face, as the vision of the waves grew closer. They were so calm. So calm, yet so deadly.
I looked to my right, and there he was. I smiled; the calm after the storm. He could not smile back, but in my worst of hope, turned away. I knew that in the mixture of sweat, blood and dirt, there were tears. Tears not of regret, not of sorrow, but of disappointment.
We stopped, and the soft subtle crash of the waves calmed me. I had nothing to be afraid of.
Faraway, the Japanese were unloading some heavy chunks of unidentified metal from the truck, and placing them in a linear pattern about 50 metres off. I had already known what they were. Men began to crouch behind the hunks of metal, and the last few hunks were assembling.
“What’s that you’ve got in your hands?” The Ace of Spades turned to me and questioned in spite.
“Not much that would concern you,” I said, and opened my cupped hands, revealing the photo and paper crane inside.
And I saw him start to cry again. I looked at him with love, and he looked back at me with crystal eyes. This would be the last time I saw this Ace. This crystal. My one and only son.
And then, one by one they began to fall. The dominos ladder came up till it hit him. I only heard his cries, my eyes being closed in preparation. But there was no impact. I opened them two seconds later, first I saw the blood of my son staining the ocean, and then I looked up to see the black chunk being filled with pellets.
I cupped my two hands and drew them up to my heart. I closed my eyes once again, but that couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I felt nothing, but fell to the ground.
Not now… don’t miss me now. Out of all the times I had to survive, why now? Out of the corner of my eyes, I checked my condition. My elbow had been smeared by a bullet. I looked straight. And saw his eyes for the fourth time. They were open and blank.
But in it flashed a twinge of happiness. Which was all that mattered to me anymore.
As a shadow fell over me, my face lifted to meet the enemy. He pointed his gun to me, tipped with an intimidating metal, but just another harmless helper.
“You can make me serve you. You can make me your prisoner.”
I grabbed his gun.
“But you can never take away my heart. I am free.”
I drove it deep into my darkness.
My head fell. There was no pain. The paper crane was freckled crimson, and was slowly drifted off by the waves. Drifting, drifting…like the light of my mind, until nothing existed.
I am free.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
indigestion
hey people.
birthday
the usual. cut cake, sing song, blow candles, eat cake.
however this year, i had more presents!
i still remember how i lost one of my last year's present at a hawker centre (supposedly).
thanks to bimbo heather for the coin bank + card.
thanks to poet tricia chee for the card + gatsby moving rubber (quite a waste on a poor hairstylist) haha, kidding, it's a great gift.
thanks to artist gracelynn for the painting! (relax about the smudges, it's genuine!)
thanks to hanya for the fruitcake (still enjoying it).
thanks to bluggy jeremy tan for the name tag. (haven't attached it)
and of course, thanks to my heavy cell for the rubberband/towel-wrapped load of candy! Not forgetting the 185-kg gift.
haha! thank you all!
next day, ate Genkhi sushi for lunch (or something like that. sorry nong.)
bought a new pair of white canvas shoes and sandals.
yippee! i've never had white canvas shoes.
hungry?
birthday cake and candy aside, a new type of hungry has been opened to my eyes.
i went for vocal training on sunday, and was taught the usual about stage presence.
then luke said we had to be hungry for God, which was, simple as it sounds, a thing that was not consciously apparent to me.
worship on saturday, was full of happiness in the songs, but as they travelled through my ears, eventually became a stinging message.
i had missed friday night prac due to Battle of the Bands prefect duty.
and i was supposed to sing for saturday night worship, but they covered most of the songs on friday night.
so i missed my first singing chance.
my first chance to serve God in TNG.
and all the songs on Saturday were about giving all to God, and truly always desiring to worship him, which didn't help my guilt for not being up there looking down instead of down here looking at each striked bolded yellow word on the screen.
i was in a dilemna.
was it God's plan that I had missed this chance for the one and only special prefect event?
or did God want me to go for His ministry instead.
i felt quite bad about the whole thing on Sunday, when luke emphasized the importance about being hungry for God.
i realise i'm never truly as hungry for God as I should be.
QT nowadays consist of a simple reading of the bible and/or a prayer.
and i realise i sometimes don't feel like doing QT.
why? why am i not hungry even when i want to be?
why do i not have the holy spirit?
why do i many a time not feel as touched as I should be?
even when i want it.
is there something blocking it?
personalities
have i talked about this before?
i seem to have different personalities in different places.
at home - i'm normal, i do thinking, i do homework.
at school - i'm normally high, and i go bouncing round and talking heck a lot of random stuff.
i act like a small child, like a reuben. i think the highness is to neutralise the
boredom of school.
at church - depends. normally happy and a little talkative.
i normally like my home personality. that's probably the real me anyway.
alright it's 6.20, so i'd better get going.
did i mention i started writing a short story during the mid-year-exam preparations?
i finished it a few weeks ago, i'll post it up soon.
it's a bit weird though.
give me spiritual digestive tablets...or something.
birthday
the usual. cut cake, sing song, blow candles, eat cake.
however this year, i had more presents!
i still remember how i lost one of my last year's present at a hawker centre (supposedly).
thanks to bimbo heather for the coin bank + card.
thanks to poet tricia chee for the card + gatsby moving rubber (quite a waste on a poor hairstylist) haha, kidding, it's a great gift.
thanks to artist gracelynn for the painting! (relax about the smudges, it's genuine!)
thanks to hanya for the fruitcake (still enjoying it).
thanks to bluggy jeremy tan for the name tag. (haven't attached it)
and of course, thanks to my heavy cell for the rubberband/towel-wrapped load of candy! Not forgetting the 185-kg gift.
haha! thank you all!
next day, ate Genkhi sushi for lunch (or something like that. sorry nong.)
bought a new pair of white canvas shoes and sandals.
yippee! i've never had white canvas shoes.
hungry?
birthday cake and candy aside, a new type of hungry has been opened to my eyes.
i went for vocal training on sunday, and was taught the usual about stage presence.
then luke said we had to be hungry for God, which was, simple as it sounds, a thing that was not consciously apparent to me.
worship on saturday, was full of happiness in the songs, but as they travelled through my ears, eventually became a stinging message.
i had missed friday night prac due to Battle of the Bands prefect duty.
and i was supposed to sing for saturday night worship, but they covered most of the songs on friday night.
so i missed my first singing chance.
my first chance to serve God in TNG.
and all the songs on Saturday were about giving all to God, and truly always desiring to worship him, which didn't help my guilt for not being up there looking down instead of down here looking at each striked bolded yellow word on the screen.
i was in a dilemna.
was it God's plan that I had missed this chance for the one and only special prefect event?
or did God want me to go for His ministry instead.
i felt quite bad about the whole thing on Sunday, when luke emphasized the importance about being hungry for God.
i realise i'm never truly as hungry for God as I should be.
QT nowadays consist of a simple reading of the bible and/or a prayer.
and i realise i sometimes don't feel like doing QT.
why? why am i not hungry even when i want to be?
why do i not have the holy spirit?
why do i many a time not feel as touched as I should be?
even when i want it.
is there something blocking it?
personalities
have i talked about this before?
i seem to have different personalities in different places.
at home - i'm normal, i do thinking, i do homework.
at school - i'm normally high, and i go bouncing round and talking heck a lot of random stuff.
i act like a small child, like a reuben. i think the highness is to neutralise the
boredom of school.
at church - depends. normally happy and a little talkative.
i normally like my home personality. that's probably the real me anyway.
alright it's 6.20, so i'd better get going.
did i mention i started writing a short story during the mid-year-exam preparations?
i finished it a few weeks ago, i'll post it up soon.
it's a bit weird though.
give me spiritual digestive tablets...or something.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
murphy's law
i just ate right out of a soup pan.
this sucks.
the downstairs comp is too laggy, and it's hard to do anything cos' none of my documents are here except a few main ones.
yes, my laptop has been confiscated, because in a spot check they found games inside.
and if i could swear to God, I would say here that the only times i've played games in class was way back last year during recess (fifa), and after school (can't remember when, NS shaft).
The main games they found were maplestory and Warcraft!
i deleted maplestory long time ago!
and warcraft? heck, i've never touched the thing!
i dunno why it showed up, but warcraft was downloaded by my brothers.
but upon returning home (easier with a lighter load), russ said he deleted it and shared my sorrow. whee.
murphy's law.
seriously, I'M the one going around switching people's computer off when THEY play games.
and it so happened as i was doing my irs project today during recess, the spot check happens. ARGH. my fftactics advance... and they're gonna reformat the whole thing?
I HAVE TOO MANY DOCUMENTS IN THERE!!!
then i look back a few days ago, to when i was singing on the stand, the 30 people with me and thousands looking back. i had just served.
and now i've been served. when i just served.
i feel so unjustified ( a feeling i've been feeling a lot these days).
why me? i don't even play the damn games in class.
then i remember the sermon.
so i thanked the Lord for taking away my laptop.
maybe he's got some plan in this? (there better be?)
maybe my laptop will be less laggy, and viruses will be deleted?
this all sounds damn weird i know.
another piece of unjustice
i get reprimanded for not greeting teachers, and am asked whether i'm serious about being a prefect.
"you're forgetting the habit, ryan..."
what the pong?
he sees it happen once and he says that
ok, so maybe he's seen it a few times.
still, i normally greet teachers!
unless they're talking seriously or busy or i forget.
but very often i do.
and it so happened i didn't greet those teachers at that time because they were discussing some seemingly important issues!
i mean, if i were a teacher, i wouldn't want a student disturbing me with a greeting in the middle of an important conversation.
elimination
i know i'm the worst of the group, that's why i'm left out.
i always don't do anything, even if i want to.
and they don't wanna make me feel bad, but who would want a slacker?
what is He gonna do with me when i grow up?
dang it.
6 more days till i get it back with no more files.
keep holding on.
tell me to keep holding on to you Lord.
this sucks.
the downstairs comp is too laggy, and it's hard to do anything cos' none of my documents are here except a few main ones.
yes, my laptop has been confiscated, because in a spot check they found games inside.
and if i could swear to God, I would say here that the only times i've played games in class was way back last year during recess (fifa), and after school (can't remember when, NS shaft).
The main games they found were maplestory and Warcraft!
i deleted maplestory long time ago!
and warcraft? heck, i've never touched the thing!
i dunno why it showed up, but warcraft was downloaded by my brothers.
but upon returning home (easier with a lighter load), russ said he deleted it and shared my sorrow. whee.
murphy's law.
seriously, I'M the one going around switching people's computer off when THEY play games.
and it so happened as i was doing my irs project today during recess, the spot check happens. ARGH. my fftactics advance... and they're gonna reformat the whole thing?
I HAVE TOO MANY DOCUMENTS IN THERE!!!
then i look back a few days ago, to when i was singing on the stand, the 30 people with me and thousands looking back. i had just served.
and now i've been served. when i just served.
i feel so unjustified ( a feeling i've been feeling a lot these days).
why me? i don't even play the damn games in class.
then i remember the sermon.
so i thanked the Lord for taking away my laptop.
maybe he's got some plan in this? (there better be?)
maybe my laptop will be less laggy, and viruses will be deleted?
this all sounds damn weird i know.
another piece of unjustice
i get reprimanded for not greeting teachers, and am asked whether i'm serious about being a prefect.
"you're forgetting the habit, ryan..."
what the pong?
he sees it happen once and he says that
ok, so maybe he's seen it a few times.
still, i normally greet teachers!
unless they're talking seriously or busy or i forget.
but very often i do.
and it so happened i didn't greet those teachers at that time because they were discussing some seemingly important issues!
i mean, if i were a teacher, i wouldn't want a student disturbing me with a greeting in the middle of an important conversation.
elimination
i know i'm the worst of the group, that's why i'm left out.
i always don't do anything, even if i want to.
and they don't wanna make me feel bad, but who would want a slacker?
what is He gonna do with me when i grow up?
dang it.
6 more days till i get it back with no more files.
keep holding on.
tell me to keep holding on to you Lord.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
i'm so shitpissed right now.
i haven't felt so pissed for quite some time.
HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE BE SO SELFISH!?
i just can't understand it.
do they get damn brainwashed until they have no sense of moral?
or do they punk themselves so bad to put on a facade of absolute lack of concern, replacing that inner guilt inside of them?
just so they can get that time of self-pleasure?
caring about no one else.
- - - - - - - - -
sighh. i felt more justified at dinner.
i think he knows he's wrong, but doesn't want to admit.
his face is very important to him.
and the other one? too spoilt...
i just hope they grow in time.
i haven't felt so pissed for quite some time.
HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE BE SO SELFISH!?
i just can't understand it.
do they get damn brainwashed until they have no sense of moral?
or do they punk themselves so bad to put on a facade of absolute lack of concern, replacing that inner guilt inside of them?
just so they can get that time of self-pleasure?
caring about no one else.
- - - - - - - - -
sighh. i felt more justified at dinner.
i think he knows he's wrong, but doesn't want to admit.
his face is very important to him.
and the other one? too spoilt...
i just hope they grow in time.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
mood.
what's your style to do homework?
for me, i normally have to play first.
it gets me into the mood.
or sometimes, if i'm in a good enough mood,
i can just have music to start me on the wood.
so i'm playing the ds, and my mum knows i have work.
so she asks me to do it.
and i say i have to save the game first.
but of course, parents hardly care about 'saving data' in games.
so she gives ten minutes.
and while my ears hear the number,
my mind is trying to kill the pesky mario bugs.
which are annoying. and eventually bring my number of lives down.
so i die for the first time in the last 8 worlds in mario.
and then i get to my last saved point.
so i try to stock up lives by going to previous worlds.
well, my mum says 'off now'.
"no, but i lost my data."
"well, just do it again."
"yeah, i am doing it again."
"ryan, i mean 'do your homework now'!"
"oh. what about my game?"
"it's just a game!"
pause. IT'S NOT JUST A GAME!!! I SPENT MANY HOURS GETTING TO THE 8TH WORLD!
so fine, i buy a 5 star hse and save. (you probably won't understand the 5 star part)
and i switch it off.
this is when i feel super uneasy.
cos my game is to lift up my spirits, so i can concentrate on work.
but if someone disrupts this process, i'll feel indignant.
like, somewhat pissed? but not really.
i guess it's really hard to explain.
i start having these spasms to control my very... unjustified, yes!
unjustified feeling.
my spasms are either to shake off the cold (ask dwight chew)
or to press down my tantrums and anger.
cos i normally need play to inspire me to do homework.
and you might be thinking, 'what you need is an asylum'.
cos i know all this sounds real whacko.
oh well, blogging about it has made me feel better.
this post wasn't philosophical, deep or cheem right?
so hope you all heave a sigh of relief.
haha.
i'm hungry. rawr.
for me, i normally have to play first.
it gets me into the mood.
or sometimes, if i'm in a good enough mood,
i can just have music to start me on the wood.
so i'm playing the ds, and my mum knows i have work.
so she asks me to do it.
and i say i have to save the game first.
but of course, parents hardly care about 'saving data' in games.
so she gives ten minutes.
and while my ears hear the number,
my mind is trying to kill the pesky mario bugs.
which are annoying. and eventually bring my number of lives down.
so i die for the first time in the last 8 worlds in mario.
and then i get to my last saved point.
so i try to stock up lives by going to previous worlds.
well, my mum says 'off now'.
"no, but i lost my data."
"well, just do it again."
"yeah, i am doing it again."
"ryan, i mean 'do your homework now'!"
"oh. what about my game?"
"it's just a game!"
pause. IT'S NOT JUST A GAME!!! I SPENT MANY HOURS GETTING TO THE 8TH WORLD!
so fine, i buy a 5 star hse and save. (you probably won't understand the 5 star part)
and i switch it off.
this is when i feel super uneasy.
cos my game is to lift up my spirits, so i can concentrate on work.
but if someone disrupts this process, i'll feel indignant.
like, somewhat pissed? but not really.
i guess it's really hard to explain.
i start having these spasms to control my very... unjustified, yes!
unjustified feeling.
my spasms are either to shake off the cold (ask dwight chew)
or to press down my tantrums and anger.
cos i normally need play to inspire me to do homework.
and you might be thinking, 'what you need is an asylum'.
cos i know all this sounds real whacko.
oh well, blogging about it has made me feel better.
this post wasn't philosophical, deep or cheem right?
so hope you all heave a sigh of relief.
haha.
i'm hungry. rawr.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
impact.
today's service started off with a free dinner - McChicken with mayo. yay.
then we waited until the movie was gonna start.
when it did, we watched it.
and there was impact throughout the whole thing.
but only 5 or 10 minutes are the whole thing did the mother asteroid crash.
it was odyssey'.
and it was a heaving thought to relate it to the movie, catching me in a dilemna.
this only occured to me while praying for the church.
then when i went home, another depression decided to play.
it's just damn annoying.
and distracting.
i don't know why it won't go away.
but i think it's, very bluntly put, stupid.
things like that at this time should have bid goodbye geological ages ago.
i think i get high in school.
i believe it's a counter-effect of my brain to neutralise the depression of school.
i feel like i have a different personality from that in school, and at home, and in church.
sigh.
ib symposium's starting.
theme - environment conservation.
maybe influenced by live earth?
anyway, i was dozing off during the talk.
so i kept awake by scribbling away.
here's the product of my caffeine.
then we waited until the movie was gonna start.
when it did, we watched it.
and there was impact throughout the whole thing.
but only 5 or 10 minutes are the whole thing did the mother asteroid crash.
it was odyssey'.
and it was a heaving thought to relate it to the movie, catching me in a dilemna.
this only occured to me while praying for the church.
then when i went home, another depression decided to play.
it's just damn annoying.
and distracting.
i don't know why it won't go away.
but i think it's, very bluntly put, stupid.
things like that at this time should have bid goodbye geological ages ago.
i think i get high in school.
i believe it's a counter-effect of my brain to neutralise the depression of school.
i feel like i have a different personality from that in school, and at home, and in church.
sigh.
ib symposium's starting.
theme - environment conservation.
maybe influenced by live earth?
anyway, i was dozing off during the talk.
so i kept awake by scribbling away.
here's the product of my caffeine.
i'm pissing off angrily at my brothers for the slightest things.
i realise it, and it don't like it cos i know it's wrong, but i just feel so weird and kinda depressed now. it's not any of that 'life sucks' crap. don't worry.
have a pleasant night.
defeating giants.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
courage.
what is considered "true courage"?
our teacher asked today. hmm. i like pondering about things like that. it let's me think about new things and opens doors in minds. no seriously. you try. i came up with my own definition of courage, and it kinda makes you think different. slightly.
Courage is not doing something others asked you to do.
Courage is not taking up the job that most people would have never dared to take up.
I think courage is the victory of the inner battle.
True courage is overcoming one’s fear of an element and gaining the victory of the inner battle in the mind in order to achieve a greater success.
haha, what do you all think? try. quite fun.
or maybe y'all don't like thinking. that's ok.
anyway, if you wanna tell me what you thought, tagg!
haha, gotta shift to homework.
in the maroon night sky.
there lies a bridge.
our teacher asked today. hmm. i like pondering about things like that. it let's me think about new things and opens doors in minds. no seriously. you try. i came up with my own definition of courage, and it kinda makes you think different. slightly.
Courage is not doing something others asked you to do.
Courage is not taking up the job that most people would have never dared to take up.
I think courage is the victory of the inner battle.
True courage is overcoming one’s fear of an element and gaining the victory of the inner battle in the mind in order to achieve a greater success.
haha, what do you all think? try. quite fun.
or maybe y'all don't like thinking. that's ok.
anyway, if you wanna tell me what you thought, tagg!
haha, gotta shift to homework.
in the maroon night sky.
there lies a bridge.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Amateur - Lasse Gjertsen
hey all!
credit to gracelynn for showing me this video!
it's this guy who can neither play the piano or the drums, but can video edit all of it very well!
Enjoy! (:
(it's really good)
Monday, June 18, 2007
solutions.
man this sucks.
i hate math, and have a whole pile of it to do. Please tagg some ideas for inspiration to do all this!
i posted a question on yahoo, and got 7 replies in 20 minutes!
i never knew it was THAT active and popular.
it was the first time i've used it anyway.
well, i'll have to coop myself up in my room and burn through math.
i hate math, and have a whole pile of it to do. Please tagg some ideas for inspiration to do all this!
i posted a question on yahoo, and got 7 replies in 20 minutes!
i never knew it was THAT active and popular.
it was the first time i've used it anyway.
well, i'll have to coop myself up in my room and burn through math.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
confusion.
3 weeks have gone.
and i have spent one and a half away from my hometown.
i'm not much of a patriot anyway.
and the other half of the second week?
entertaining and having fun with my cousin from england.
and then...let's see.
the third week was spent on slacking, homework-ing, playing computer, blogging, msn-ing, and sleeping mainly.
kinda a lot of stuff to use the word 'mainly'.
and this week has been.
fun. and saddening.
on monday.
just stayed at home and slacked and home-worked.
tuesday.
went to carnival with heather mao, tricia chee, gracelynn, and of course - my bro.
it was.
fun & sickening.
cos we went on the really expensive ride right after dinner.
and that sparked off a chain of sicknesses that decided to target my bro.
wednesday.
not much. slacked at home as far as i can recall.
i think i finished my life science gene therapy report on this day.
wasn't THAT an interesting piece of info for all of you.
thursday.
oh yes. there was a cell outing.
how fun.
the minute i get there, the ads hadn't even started. (we were watching fantastic 4)
i wanted to meet them there, since i didn't wanna go for the lan.
so, the screen was blank.
i walk into the theatre with thaddeus and marcus shouting their usual greeting of 'fwee jie jie!'
and then i sit on the right of jeremy ling.
on his left is jon choy.
who greets, 'ryan, you're late.'
how very nice.
and the ads STILL hadn't presented themselves yet.
all this in a nutshell - i was annoyed before the movie started.
and so. the movie was ok.
the good stuff were the graphics and...and...yepp. the graphics.
i like the evil planet consumer.
dinner at long john silvers.
it was ok.
i didn't like the black pepper sauce.
the rice was good though.
i didn't have any fish?
cos i prefer chicken. ^^
friday.
stoned at home doing the usual. i think.
saturday.
went out with my om friends.
watched surf's up!
it's better than F4.
ate swensen's for afternoon tea after that.
went home. went out for extended family dinner.
too bad my bro couldn't come cos he had a contagious eye sore.
or was HE the contagious eye sore? XD
dinner was full-filling.
a lot of ta pow.
or however you spell it.
sunday.
this was the saddening day.
went church.
saw gracelynn, heather, and jon yuen on 3rd floor.
jon yuen and i were wondering where our cell was.
chatted a bit with gracelynn and heather.
marcus came to collect us.
said cell was at jonchoy's hse.
cell had word this time.
jon choy made us memorise Ex 6:1-3.
after cell, browsed thru photos of past cluster outings and camps.
went back to church. 'studied' with heather and gracelynn.
gracelynn kept demoralising herself in graphs (Stop!)
and heather couldn't stop talking.
then, it happened.
my bro called me to go home.
we had to go for a father's day lunch.
i went to the lift.
and the next thing i know,
jonathan teng pulls me towards the table.
damn.
said hi to grace chan.
couldn't hear what bunny said.
tried to distract myself and point fingers at joseph for something about heather.
it was foolish, i should have just gotten out.
but then it would have been too obvious.
anyway, there was already visual contact.
that killed a lot of what time had spent so much of itself to build up.
it really hurt after that.
more than what i had felt for a long time.
which just goes to show.
that with less interaction,
i can forget about it better.
it's so hard to understand.
so complicated.
why can't i just forget?!
it's distracting and confusing me.
there's one week left.
promises a lot of potential.
how am i going to spend it?
and i have spent one and a half away from my hometown.
i'm not much of a patriot anyway.
and the other half of the second week?
entertaining and having fun with my cousin from england.
and then...let's see.
the third week was spent on slacking, homework-ing, playing computer, blogging, msn-ing, and sleeping mainly.
kinda a lot of stuff to use the word 'mainly'.
and this week has been.
fun. and saddening.
on monday.
just stayed at home and slacked and home-worked.
tuesday.
went to carnival with heather mao, tricia chee, gracelynn, and of course - my bro.
it was.
fun & sickening.
cos we went on the really expensive ride right after dinner.
and that sparked off a chain of sicknesses that decided to target my bro.
wednesday.
not much. slacked at home as far as i can recall.
i think i finished my life science gene therapy report on this day.
wasn't THAT an interesting piece of info for all of you.
thursday.
oh yes. there was a cell outing.
how fun.
the minute i get there, the ads hadn't even started. (we were watching fantastic 4)
i wanted to meet them there, since i didn't wanna go for the lan.
so, the screen was blank.
i walk into the theatre with thaddeus and marcus shouting their usual greeting of 'fwee jie jie!'
and then i sit on the right of jeremy ling.
on his left is jon choy.
who greets, 'ryan, you're late.'
how very nice.
and the ads STILL hadn't presented themselves yet.
all this in a nutshell - i was annoyed before the movie started.
and so. the movie was ok.
the good stuff were the graphics and...and...yepp. the graphics.
i like the evil planet consumer.
dinner at long john silvers.
it was ok.
i didn't like the black pepper sauce.
the rice was good though.
i didn't have any fish?
cos i prefer chicken. ^^
friday.
stoned at home doing the usual. i think.
saturday.
went out with my om friends.
watched surf's up!
it's better than F4.
ate swensen's for afternoon tea after that.
went home. went out for extended family dinner.
too bad my bro couldn't come cos he had a contagious eye sore.
or was HE the contagious eye sore? XD
dinner was full-filling.
a lot of ta pow.
or however you spell it.
sunday.
this was the saddening day.
went church.
saw gracelynn, heather, and jon yuen on 3rd floor.
jon yuen and i were wondering where our cell was.
chatted a bit with gracelynn and heather.
marcus came to collect us.
said cell was at jonchoy's hse.
cell had word this time.
jon choy made us memorise Ex 6:1-3.
after cell, browsed thru photos of past cluster outings and camps.
went back to church. 'studied' with heather and gracelynn.
gracelynn kept demoralising herself in graphs (Stop!)
and heather couldn't stop talking.
then, it happened.
my bro called me to go home.
we had to go for a father's day lunch.
i went to the lift.
and the next thing i know,
jonathan teng pulls me towards the table.
damn.
said hi to grace chan.
couldn't hear what bunny said.
tried to distract myself and point fingers at joseph for something about heather.
it was foolish, i should have just gotten out.
but then it would have been too obvious.
anyway, there was already visual contact.
that killed a lot of what time had spent so much of itself to build up.
it really hurt after that.
more than what i had felt for a long time.
which just goes to show.
that with less interaction,
i can forget about it better.
it's so hard to understand.
so complicated.
why can't i just forget?!
it's distracting and confusing me.
there's one week left.
promises a lot of potential.
how am i going to spend it?
Monday, June 11, 2007
lights out.
a small solemn touch.
the wood was cool, glossy. plastic-ky.
it felt like the glossy egg-sized flat glasses that kept the faces of the dead in good shape at the crematorium.
at first glance, the body inside the coffin gave a shot to the palms.
it looked like it was made of wax, and there was a pearl that was oddly placed between the lips.
i had never been to a wake before.
it had opened another door in my mind, and many challenges and questions popped into my head. as i was there at the coffin. at the altar. at the table. at the burning.
the burning. it was, quite simply put, fun, to watch.
but was it sinful? since we christians do not believe in such rituals.
i saw a fellow christian take a joss stick and kow-tow.
was it right, even if the intentions were just to pay respect?
how would we know where the line is?
when's not enough, when's too much.
i leave the red thread at the foot of the tree and get into the car.
the girl's art was good.
research looked coherent.
practice seemed enough.
and final composition was awesome.
bright colours, bombastic idea and brilliant perfection.
and now to think about it, the monks' chanting rhythm was quite catchy that i put it to my feet and hands.
back at home.
mum said lights out about an hour ago?
i'm typing, my bros are sleeping.
and i think i'm losing friends.
to someone who knew them through me.
maybe it's because i'm too boring for them?
too quiet?
not fun to talk to?
or maybe it's cos i wasn't with them for 2 weeks and more.
*sigh*.
what's there much to ponder about?
if they click with you and like you, they do.
if they don't, they don't.
then i guess those two don't.
haha. that's ok.
but is it really? or is that just for comfort?
it's dark outside, but my table lamp's on.
and it seems the only bed left is the one in the hottest part of the room.
time for lights out.
the wood was cool, glossy. plastic-ky.
it felt like the glossy egg-sized flat glasses that kept the faces of the dead in good shape at the crematorium.
at first glance, the body inside the coffin gave a shot to the palms.
it looked like it was made of wax, and there was a pearl that was oddly placed between the lips.
i had never been to a wake before.
it had opened another door in my mind, and many challenges and questions popped into my head. as i was there at the coffin. at the altar. at the table. at the burning.
the burning. it was, quite simply put, fun, to watch.
but was it sinful? since we christians do not believe in such rituals.
i saw a fellow christian take a joss stick and kow-tow.
was it right, even if the intentions were just to pay respect?
how would we know where the line is?
when's not enough, when's too much.
i leave the red thread at the foot of the tree and get into the car.
the girl's art was good.
research looked coherent.
practice seemed enough.
and final composition was awesome.
bright colours, bombastic idea and brilliant perfection.
and now to think about it, the monks' chanting rhythm was quite catchy that i put it to my feet and hands.
back at home.
mum said lights out about an hour ago?
i'm typing, my bros are sleeping.
and i think i'm losing friends.
to someone who knew them through me.
maybe it's because i'm too boring for them?
too quiet?
not fun to talk to?
or maybe it's cos i wasn't with them for 2 weeks and more.
*sigh*.
what's there much to ponder about?
if they click with you and like you, they do.
if they don't, they don't.
then i guess those two don't.
haha. that's ok.
but is it really? or is that just for comfort?
it's dark outside, but my table lamp's on.
and it seems the only bed left is the one in the hottest part of the room.
time for lights out.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
ACSI Div2 Prob5
this is my team performing in Odyssey of the Mind 2007, Michigan, MSU!
The performance is basically about Noah's ark, and how a chameleon is trying to get on. And we got 1st! YEAH!
Enjoy!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
goldfish.
hi guys.
i'm back from om and ohana camp. this is one of my first posts in trebuchet for a long time. in fact, this is one of my first posts in a long time. few problems came up like my internet was down, and my mind didn't feel like blogging, but now my fingers are steadily at work.
let's see. my dad just came in and said i had to do my work. maybe after i blog.
another life gone. ah po, my godfather's mum's eldest sister. always greeted her whenever i paid a visit to my cousins. a week ago in a coma. now, not sure where she's on her way to. prayed for heaven. will have to pray again. wonder what ever happens when one dies. it's a real sad world.
odyssey!
odyssey' was damn fun. Out of all three times, first colorado, then iowa, and now michigan, there's not been a time where it hasn't been fun. could this have been my last time in om? i hope at least year 5 still still stays promising. not sure about next year.
let's list one happy thing-
WE GOT FIRST!!! OWNAGE! PWNAGE!!! FIRST!!!! We've never gotten 1st! In p6, we got a measly 4th. Then in sec 1, 3rd, and now in Sec 2, first!!! WOOHOOO. jumping jackels! hmm. but actually currently, the only excited part of my body is probably my fingers. and a little curve on my lips that spread across my face. the excitement of om has died down. so sad it's over now.
let's list one sad thing-
I missed the buddy team night party! Argh. All of the dumb luck, i had to be a heavy sleeper. nong claims he spent 15 minutes trying to wake me up. aww. thanks nong. they spent many hours signing shirts, exchanging emails and talking. even makes me feel sad now to think i missed out all the fun. in the morning, i was super sad.
dang it. om's over. it was so fun. when i get pics of the buddy team and all i'll probably post it up here. or maybe i'll be too lazy. i realise i'm rather lazy to blog about every single thing that happened in om. i'll try to make it brief.
we got there.
decided who slept where and made a storage room.
ate dinner and traded pins.
did some other stuff.
and um, i can't remember, slept real late?
next day, main highlight was opening ceremony and meeting the buddy team. opening ceremony didn't seem to have many people, probably cos other teams had not arrived yet, i was not too sure.
in between opening and closing ceremony, we did our ltp and spon, which was about a singing frog. i was quite upset about spon cos i thought we flunked it, but it turned out that we got second for spon, and second for ltp and third for style. at least we got 1st overall! yepp, of course we also traded pins, play with our buddy team, and had to work on props and a bit on spon.
ohana
ohana camp, very basically, wasn't as fun as youth camp, but was probably more meaningful. yepp. i don't really miss it. but i just feel weird. the only youths i knew well who went were ben leong, teng bros, evan, heidi, berwyn, heather, aaron, and gracelynn. yeah i think so.
games were ok. not that fun. we really sucked at them but hey! that's ok. our group had many elderly after all, and many of our members were organisers. ahh well. even if the games weren't that fun.
food was good. but boring. around the same thing everytime.
worship was good. although there weren't any tng songs. would be an overdose of energy and noise for the adults and elderly i guess.
sermons were uh...no comments. except second one was not bad!
workshops, since we were the oldest there, i didn't really feel like the methods suited us. i guess it did work a bit in the end. a lot of note-taking and weird games. but hey, it's all to suit the age gap.
yepp, i guess that's about it. oh yes, did shopping as well. bought two new t-shirts, from the brand of "forest". not too sure about it, but i liked the designs. at night, we had mini-parties where the youths gathered to snack and play cards and talk till like 1+am.
good times good times.
and now it's over. back to school and chamber and bb and prefects and church.
yepp.
right now my bro's watching bleach, and i'm still blogging. sometimes i'm distracted by interesting scenes. i thought it was the first week still, since i spent about a week in the US and half a week away at Ohana. Damn.
went for om.
came back home for 1 day.
went for ohana.
came back home for 2 days.
it feels weird to keep shifting, and finally now that i'm home again.
i feel like a goldfish being experimented consistently with waters of different pH.
sigh.
i'm back from om and ohana camp. this is one of my first posts in trebuchet for a long time. in fact, this is one of my first posts in a long time. few problems came up like my internet was down, and my mind didn't feel like blogging, but now my fingers are steadily at work.
let's see. my dad just came in and said i had to do my work. maybe after i blog.
another life gone. ah po, my godfather's mum's eldest sister. always greeted her whenever i paid a visit to my cousins. a week ago in a coma. now, not sure where she's on her way to. prayed for heaven. will have to pray again. wonder what ever happens when one dies. it's a real sad world.
odyssey!
odyssey' was damn fun. Out of all three times, first colorado, then iowa, and now michigan, there's not been a time where it hasn't been fun. could this have been my last time in om? i hope at least year 5 still still stays promising. not sure about next year.
let's list one happy thing-
WE GOT FIRST!!! OWNAGE! PWNAGE!!! FIRST!!!! We've never gotten 1st! In p6, we got a measly 4th. Then in sec 1, 3rd, and now in Sec 2, first!!! WOOHOOO. jumping jackels! hmm. but actually currently, the only excited part of my body is probably my fingers. and a little curve on my lips that spread across my face. the excitement of om has died down. so sad it's over now.
let's list one sad thing-
I missed the buddy team night party! Argh. All of the dumb luck, i had to be a heavy sleeper. nong claims he spent 15 minutes trying to wake me up. aww. thanks nong. they spent many hours signing shirts, exchanging emails and talking. even makes me feel sad now to think i missed out all the fun. in the morning, i was super sad.
dang it. om's over. it was so fun. when i get pics of the buddy team and all i'll probably post it up here. or maybe i'll be too lazy. i realise i'm rather lazy to blog about every single thing that happened in om. i'll try to make it brief.
we got there.
decided who slept where and made a storage room.
ate dinner and traded pins.
did some other stuff.
and um, i can't remember, slept real late?
next day, main highlight was opening ceremony and meeting the buddy team. opening ceremony didn't seem to have many people, probably cos other teams had not arrived yet, i was not too sure.
in between opening and closing ceremony, we did our ltp and spon, which was about a singing frog. i was quite upset about spon cos i thought we flunked it, but it turned out that we got second for spon, and second for ltp and third for style. at least we got 1st overall! yepp, of course we also traded pins, play with our buddy team, and had to work on props and a bit on spon.
ohana
ohana camp, very basically, wasn't as fun as youth camp, but was probably more meaningful. yepp. i don't really miss it. but i just feel weird. the only youths i knew well who went were ben leong, teng bros, evan, heidi, berwyn, heather, aaron, and gracelynn. yeah i think so.
games were ok. not that fun. we really sucked at them but hey! that's ok. our group had many elderly after all, and many of our members were organisers. ahh well. even if the games weren't that fun.
food was good. but boring. around the same thing everytime.
worship was good. although there weren't any tng songs. would be an overdose of energy and noise for the adults and elderly i guess.
sermons were uh...no comments. except second one was not bad!
workshops, since we were the oldest there, i didn't really feel like the methods suited us. i guess it did work a bit in the end. a lot of note-taking and weird games. but hey, it's all to suit the age gap.
yepp, i guess that's about it. oh yes, did shopping as well. bought two new t-shirts, from the brand of "forest". not too sure about it, but i liked the designs. at night, we had mini-parties where the youths gathered to snack and play cards and talk till like 1+am.
good times good times.
and now it's over. back to school and chamber and bb and prefects and church.
yepp.
right now my bro's watching bleach, and i'm still blogging. sometimes i'm distracted by interesting scenes. i thought it was the first week still, since i spent about a week in the US and half a week away at Ohana. Damn.
went for om.
came back home for 1 day.
went for ohana.
came back home for 2 days.
it feels weird to keep shifting, and finally now that i'm home again.
i feel like a goldfish being experimented consistently with waters of different pH.
sigh.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
classics.
Yeah! I got a new song for my blog!!! WOOHOO!
It's super soothing and nice. The Forrest Gump Theme.
Finally, one that works.
All the other ones were corrupted files or something.
And blogger itself is getting weird. Right now as I'm writing this post, the above box is screwed.
ahh well, exams are over. I screwed up about three or four papers.
- Language Arts
- Physical Science
- Life Science
- Math
yepp. church was kinda fun today.
managed to get there early.
tricia chee came. don't see her there often.
Pastor David's second last sermon.
ahh, sad.
Altar call and worship were real good. very nice indeed.
hmm, after church, got spammed with people.
well, not a lot, but two VERY TALKATIVE GIRLS can make up for a lot.
bought soya bean too. why? thirsty.
OM (I think calling it 'odyssey' is cooler) is gonna kick back into full gear now.
we had odyssey' today, we took a break yesterday.
and tmr? not sure. please no.
Cos it's MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Everybody be nice to your loving mothers who had to bear with all of us from young yeah!?
k.
It's 12.40am.
reuben's on my right, asleep.
russell's on my left, asleep.
he left his computer on.
cool.
yepp, that's about all i guess? yeah. hmm. can't think of what else...OH YES.
HON! Nice anyhow go say I got angry when I never loh! Haiyah, this type of people ah, NO HOPE. NO HOPE AT ALL.
lol. relax ah. i not angry now ok? you don't go post in your blog that i pms you ah? don't ah? ok.
~Night all!
(or morning. whatever.)
It's super soothing and nice. The Forrest Gump Theme.
Finally, one that works.
All the other ones were corrupted files or something.
And blogger itself is getting weird. Right now as I'm writing this post, the above box is screwed.
ahh well, exams are over. I screwed up about three or four papers.
- Language Arts
- Physical Science
- Life Science
- Math
yepp. church was kinda fun today.
managed to get there early.
tricia chee came. don't see her there often.
Pastor David's second last sermon.
ahh, sad.
Altar call and worship were real good. very nice indeed.
hmm, after church, got spammed with people.
well, not a lot, but two VERY TALKATIVE GIRLS can make up for a lot.
bought soya bean too. why? thirsty.
OM (I think calling it 'odyssey' is cooler) is gonna kick back into full gear now.
we had odyssey' today, we took a break yesterday.
and tmr? not sure. please no.
Cos it's MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Everybody be nice to your loving mothers who had to bear with all of us from young yeah!?
k.
It's 12.40am.
reuben's on my right, asleep.
russell's on my left, asleep.
he left his computer on.
cool.
yepp, that's about all i guess? yeah. hmm. can't think of what else...OH YES.
HON! Nice anyhow go say I got angry when I never loh! Haiyah, this type of people ah, NO HOPE. NO HOPE AT ALL.
lol. relax ah. i not angry now ok? you don't go post in your blog that i pms you ah? don't ah? ok.
~Night all!
(or morning. whatever.)
Friday, May 4, 2007
exams. new song. nerd.
hello.
ok. my new song's taking a long time. or maybe it needs more?
maybe i screwed up the html or something. :O
ahh well.
exams are coming!!!!
AHH!!!!!
I need to study, but my willpower is a lot stronger in school! At home, "resistance is futile".
I think I should...go through chinese now. yepp. cya!
anyway, just a random poem i thought of in school. martin, don't get pissed.
(I'll probably be posting more written works now. Ever so inspired by Tricia's blog. )
Haha, credit to cao for firefly idea and tricia for inspiration! (:
and martin? this is pure coincidence. not related to you. at all. XD
oh, and i'm not sure if the name in the poem is real, or in proper german style.
~i hope there's no german backlash on this one.
ok. my new song's taking a long time. or maybe it needs more?
maybe i screwed up the html or something. :O
ahh well.
exams are coming!!!!
AHH!!!!!
I need to study, but my willpower is a lot stronger in school! At home, "resistance is futile".
I think I should...go through chinese now. yepp. cya!
anyway, just a random poem i thought of in school. martin, don't get pissed.
(I'll probably be posting more written works now. Ever so inspired by Tricia's blog. )
The class nerd
Meet Genelskhy the spectacled nerd,
who's a freakish clever German turd,
He keeps fireflies in jugs,
To aid in midnight muggs.
Producing results off-chart, absurd!
Haha, credit to cao for firefly idea and tricia for inspiration! (:
and martin? this is pure coincidence. not related to you. at all. XD
oh, and i'm not sure if the name in the poem is real, or in proper german style.
~i hope there's no german backlash on this one.
Friday, April 27, 2007
temptation.
5.52pm. Friday. 27/4. Year 2007.
Just about 11 more days till' mid-years.
well, things have settled down now. i still remember the 10 lines of 'screwed' i typed in as a prediction for our Chamber Orchestra's SYF.
and we got Gold with Honours!
haha, sighh...
everytime in school, got motivation to study.
come back from school, get tempted to play.
wth.
my life's a mess.
you've got the S on one side.
and the TC on the other.
awkward.
real awkward.
some philosophy!
Does God give us, humans, a choice in what we do?
God is omnipotent. He's the past, present, future. He can do anything. He is the almighty one.
He knows everything.
and then you come to a standstill.
wait a second, does that mean God controls our choices?
He knows the past, present and future.
If he knows our future, then would we be able to say we can choose our actions, or anything at all?
"He knows our future, but we still make the choices!"
ahh. right. but that means we didn't have the freedom to make our choices. There can only be one future, and that future is made up by every single touch of effect right now.
if the future is known, our choices are inevitable. God can't be wrong.
Looking at the bible, just think about it.
Many things about Jesus were foretold in the old testament.
Obviously, the future was known then.
But what about Judas...
- Betrayer of Christ
But if he didn't betray Christ, Christ wouldn't have died on the cross for our sins.
And it was foretold, that Judas would betray Jesus!
So...it was inevitable that Judas did that horrible crime. Did Judas go to hell for causing the cruxifixion of Christ Our Lord? Wasn't it his duty to do so? Wasn't it all planned?
Saying...
that everything we do, is already inevitable.
Look at me writing this blog. I can choose not to post it. Thus, in the future, it will never be seen by more than 2 pairs of eyes. God's and mine. Yet, can I choose?
If God knows my every action, that means I'm bound to only one move.
I can't choose, cos my future is already sealed with his knowledge.
Is that what it's like for us? God controls our every move, and to think about it, in the end, we go to hell or heaven based on fate?
Which means...God must already know where we're going when we die. And God can't be wrong. So does that mean whenever someone does something, it's not his fault, cos God knew it was going to happen?
We can't control anything...
everything's already pre-planned for us...
i need answers. help.
Just about 11 more days till' mid-years.
well, things have settled down now. i still remember the 10 lines of 'screwed' i typed in as a prediction for our Chamber Orchestra's SYF.
and we got Gold with Honours!
haha, sighh...
everytime in school, got motivation to study.
come back from school, get tempted to play.
wth.
my life's a mess.
you've got the S on one side.
and the TC on the other.
awkward.
real awkward.
some philosophy!
Does God give us, humans, a choice in what we do?
God is omnipotent. He's the past, present, future. He can do anything. He is the almighty one.
He knows everything.
and then you come to a standstill.
wait a second, does that mean God controls our choices?
He knows the past, present and future.
If he knows our future, then would we be able to say we can choose our actions, or anything at all?
"He knows our future, but we still make the choices!"
ahh. right. but that means we didn't have the freedom to make our choices. There can only be one future, and that future is made up by every single touch of effect right now.
if the future is known, our choices are inevitable. God can't be wrong.
Looking at the bible, just think about it.
Many things about Jesus were foretold in the old testament.
Obviously, the future was known then.
But what about Judas...
- Betrayer of Christ
But if he didn't betray Christ, Christ wouldn't have died on the cross for our sins.
And it was foretold, that Judas would betray Jesus!
So...it was inevitable that Judas did that horrible crime. Did Judas go to hell for causing the cruxifixion of Christ Our Lord? Wasn't it his duty to do so? Wasn't it all planned?
Saying...
that everything we do, is already inevitable.
Look at me writing this blog. I can choose not to post it. Thus, in the future, it will never be seen by more than 2 pairs of eyes. God's and mine. Yet, can I choose?
If God knows my every action, that means I'm bound to only one move.
I can't choose, cos my future is already sealed with his knowledge.
Is that what it's like for us? God controls our every move, and to think about it, in the end, we go to hell or heaven based on fate?
Which means...God must already know where we're going when we die. And God can't be wrong. So does that mean whenever someone does something, it's not his fault, cos God knew it was going to happen?
We can't control anything...
everything's already pre-planned for us...
i need answers. help.
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